2 Week Post-Op

I did it.

Again.

On Wednesday the 21st, I got up at 445 and my mom picked me up.  We headed straight to the Same-Day Surgery Center at WestHealth in Plymouth for my abdominoplasty and brachioplasty.  The entire day is now a little fuzzy...but it went really fast.  I have nothing but wonderful things to say about the staff at WestHealth - everyone I encountered was kind and professional and compassionate.  I was nervous but ready to get it over with at the same time.  It felt like I was under for 2 seconds and when I woke up, I was in pain but not overwhelmingly.  I was very thirsty.  Very out of it.  And very cold.  They rolled me back out of recovery and to my room where Phil and my mom were waiting.  After some post-op instructions, I was wheeled out to the car and we went home.  That night was hard.  I was in pain and the recliner we have isn't ideal for recovery.  The handle that reclines the chair was hard to use with arms that are hacked up.  My abs were useless.  It was a rough night.

Thanksgiving morning, Phil packed up and dropped me off at my parents.  Recovering at their house was so much better than home.  They let me sleep in their souped up Sleep Number bed with all the bells and whistles.  Getting up and down from bed was extremely painful...nausea and dizziness every time I had to get up.  However once on my feet and the initial wave of pain passed, it was OK.  I set the alarm on my phone to stay on top of the pain medication and my mom is such an amazing nurse.  She helped me shower on Saturday - which makes everything better - and kept me comfortable and fed.

I moved back home on Sunday - I could have easily stayed at my parents if Phil wasn't scheduled to leave town on Monday.  My mom came and stayed at our house to help me on Monday thru Wednesday.  I could not have gotten the boys off to school without her.  Then she and I just hung out for the week and got some serious errands run as well as keeping up with laundry and household chores.  Having her here was awesome.  Thursday was a trip back to the surgeon's office where they pulled one drain out (leaving one in place).  Dr. Leung let me know that she removed 9 pounds of skin during surgery.  That does not include the fat she removed via liposuction.  9 POUNDS OF SKIN.  That totally blows my mind.  She also fixed some separated ab muscles from pregnancies and a small hernia I didn't even know I had.  My week off from work for recovery went entirely too fast.

Every day gets easier.  The incisions are healing quickly and look a bit scary now but it's only been 2 weeks.  I'm really really sick of the remaining drain.  It's not in the greatest place - right in my hip-crease on my left side.  Flannel pants with a drawstring are the only thing I can comfortably wear as long as the tube is there.  Counting down the hours until the drain is gone.

The results are amazing.  I will add photos shortly of before and after's but it's quite amazing to have a flat (albeit swollen) stomach that is totally numb.   I am already dreaming about going for a nice run and not feeling the jiggle of before.  My arms look awesome from most angles.  It's going to take time for the scars to fade and I'm prepared to wait.  The waving flags are gone and that's what I wanted most.

So it's behind me and I'm so happy.  So happy I was able to do it.  So happy with the results.  So happy I'm on the road to the next new normal.

T'was the night before surgery....

and the call came in...the little has strep...let the insanity begin!!

Yup.  I check into the surgery center at 6am tomorrow but got the call from the peds office that my youngest's strep culture came back positive for strep.  So I ran and picked up the Amox and him at school (of course, we sent him today!!  I'm going to be out of the office for 10 days!!  I needed to work today and so did Daddy!!!) and we are now home with shows and a laptop.  

I'm trying really really hard to keep the psycho-systematic symptoms at bay.  I'm drinking fluids.  I rested.  However I also stopped at the Target Clinic to talk to the doc there just in case.  He said that unless I have strep symptoms, he saw no need to do a culture...and that the first thing they'll do in the morning when they start the IV is put some antibiotics in anyway that would kill any strep I could have waiting to pop up.  So.  There ya go.  Barring any headache or fever or sore throat, I'm proceeding with my tummy tuck and brachioplasty tomorrow.

My sweet friends are being so amazingly supportive.  My husband is coming around.  My kids are curious as to why I need this.  My mom is being so wonderful - she'll be taking me on for Thanksgiving while my kids and husband head to celebrate with his family in Rochester.  24 hours from now, I anticipate I'll be back home with less skin and more pain.  But the results....THAT is the part I'm most excited for.  To not have to strategically hide or tuck in my excess skin will be amazing.  Working out and not having my upper arms waving like a flag on a windy day will be so worth any kind of temporary discomfort I'll have for the next few weeks.  

So I'll post some photos probably to kill some time in the upcoming days/weeks.  For the curious but more for me to once again remind myself how far I've come.

Back to Pre-Op Status...

So I'm cleared for surgery again.

I met with Dr. Lueng - my plastic surgeon - on Thursday for a pre-op appointment.  She took a quick look and then her assistant took my "before" photos.  That was quite the experience.  They have me a disposable pair of underwear in a size small.  I've never been a size small.  Ever.  But I put them on.  They're two triangles of fabric connected with some elastic.  The elastic was digging into my skin.  So the photographer got me a bigger pair - which were falling off.  So flattering.  So yeah - photos of me in only paper undies exist in the world.  Humiliating as that is, it's over.  We took photos of my stomach area as well as my arms bent at 90 degrees, muscle-man style.  Front and back on both. 

Monday morning, I had a pre-op physical with my general practitioner.  And with that appointment, I'm cleared for surgery.    So two weeks from tomorrow I'll check in at 6am at WestHealth Surgery Center.  The OR is mine as of 7:30am.  And by noon, I'll be in recovery. 

I'm nervous.  I'm anxious.  However I'm so flipping excited.  I'm so ready to take this next step.  I wish I could snap my fingers and have the recovery behind me.  The couple weeks post-op is the part I dread.  I don't do well with the unknown and not knowing how I'll feel or what the pain will be like is unnerving for me.  I'm trying to be as prepared as possible - groceries bought, comfy clothes on hand, binder/compression garments ready, recliner bought.  I'm as ready as I will ever be. 

I'll post photos in the coming weeks so if you're not all about that, beware.  :)

The Next Chapter

I'm not sure what chapter we're on - between all the phases of pre-op and post-op and losing and stalling - we're well down the trail on this saga....HOWEVER...

I knew when I decided to have a RNY done, I'd eventually need a second surgery to 'deal' with excess skin.  I have a pretty significant (to me) amount of skin on my stomach and upper arms that will never shrink or go away no matter how much exercise I do.  My weight has been stable for more than a year.  I've been committed to my new lifestyle for nearly 4 years - being as I started before i actually had bariatric surgery.  I am committed to working out in a variety of ways - running, resistance training, yoga.  So it's time.

I met with four plastic surgeons before deciding on the one who will be doing my abdominalplasty and brachioplasty.  Basically a tummy tuck and arm lift.  I've researched the heck out of both procedures and it's very intimidating.  My gallbladder surgery and my RNY were both done laparoscopicly - meaning small (about 1") incisions.  This next surgery will include LARGE incisions.  The abdominalplasty will result in a scar from hip to hip following my pelvic bone.  Then a cone shape will be made up to my sternum and the skin will be stretched down to meet the pelvic area.  The result will (hopefully) be a flat stomach.  No more excess skin.  For the arms, I'll be opened from armpit to elbow.  A section of skin in the shape of a stretched out triangle will be taken out.  After surgery, I'll be left with scars but also lean and strong-looking arms.  I have nice muscles in there - but I also have significant skin that hangs below and I hate it.  So why not take care of it as long as I'm under??

So...I'm excited but also nervous.  Recovery from this surgery will be significant.  I will have drains for at least a week or longer.  I will be living in compression garments for probably 4 months or longer.  I will be grounded from exercise aside from walking for significant time. 

Financing is secured.  Yes, I'm financing this.  Hard decision but it's important enough for me to do NOW and if I attempt to save for it, it'll take forever.  There will always be something draining the funding.  My car is paid off.  Easton will be out of preschool and my kid-care bill will be reduced soon.  Now is the time. 

So there ya go.  I'll share photos when the time gets closer. 

Three+ Years Post-Op - On the Soapbox

This summer marked three years since my RNY gastric bypass surgery. 

In many ways, three years seems like a lifetime ago and in others it was just last week.  There are times when I look at myself and feel just as large as I was before this whole process started.  My thighs, my stomach, my arms.  I put on something out of my closet and if it's tight or doesn't feel right, I'm back to size 24 wondering how I'm going to survive this life.  However, the reality is that this journey has been so much more than pounds or sizes or inches.  It's been about habits and behaviors and crutches and triggers and patterns.  The weightloss was huge.  Working on becoming my own best friend and ally has been bigger. 

After a year of weight loss - where I was losing a pound a day for months - I started working with a trainer.  Not only for motivation but for actual health reasons - I wanted tone.  I found my trainer thru our daycare provider - his daughter attended with my two younger kids - and he agreed to workout with me twice a week.  This financial commitment was $60 per week - two sessions at $30 each or $1 per minute.  After a year of working out with Ryan, I was in the best shape of my life.  And here's the thing....I never had a session go over 35 minutes.  You DO NOT need to meet with a trainer for an hour to get results.  How?  Well,  you warm up without them.  You get to the gym 15 minutes before your session and you warm up.  If there's specific warm up activities they want you to do, do them before the session.  Be READY TO GO when the time starts.  Second, no talking.  Don't waste time chatting.  Seems logical but seriously, don't.  Any trainer worth their salt will recognize that you mean business and shouldn't be offended to hear that you don't want to chat.  I adore Ryan and we have become close through training but it's not because we spend our sessions chatting. 

Excuses are everywhere.  It is so easy to blow yourself off - or blow your workout off - because of these busy lives we lead.  If I have learned anything, it's that exercise has to be a priority.  I AM a priority.  My mood, my outlook on life, my mind and my body are better when exercised and pushed.  The only way I've made sure this happens is if I legitimately plan my day around my workout.  Luckily, my office is close to a LTF that I can use over my lunch hour, however this also means I need to PLAN.  My gym bag has to have clean workout clothes, socks and shoes in it...which means I need to commit to my lunch workout before I leave the house or even better, the night before.  Monday over lunch is typically the day I run intervals on the treadmill.  I utilize the LTF app on my phone to pick out which classes will fit into my week too.  Tuesday night Heated Guided Flow works out well because it starts at 8:15PM.  After I get home, feed the boys and can take an hour to myself.  Wednesday can be either a lunch workout again or a 5:15pm HIIT Yoga class on my way home.  Saturday mornings is my Root Yoga class.  I aim for 5 workouts a week.  This journey is a process.  A marathon.  An evolution.  I learned about two years ago that yes, I can run for 55 minutes a day but my knees cannot do that 6 days a week.  Runner's Knee HURTS and though running is great cardio, it's not ideal.  Intervals bring my heart rate up when I run and down when I walk.  This burns fat.  This is a SMARTER way to cardio...it's easier on the body AND it is more efficient.  I mix up my intervals now but essentially it's the same workout. 

Nutrition.  Fasts, Cleanses, fad diets.  Nothing works as well as the SIMPLE MATH DIET.  Calories in v. Calories Out.  This, combined with the mantra "not all calories are created equal" is my nutritional plan.  I still follow 95% of the rules laid down by my surgery team 3+ years ago.  Drink a ton of water.  Don't drink 30 minutes before or 30 minutes after eating.  Protein first.  Always protein first.  Stop before you feel full.  No snacking/grazing (this one is HARD).  Limit alcohol (this one is HARDER).  Sugar makes me feel ill.  Like exercise, nutrition is a process.  Nothing happens overnight - it's establishing and implementing new habits and man, those bad old ones are right there in the wings waiting to take over, aren't they???  Which is why alcohol is such a demon.  Post RNY, my body processes alcohol differently...and lemme tell you, there is a whole section of AA folks who are post-bariatric surgery so it's not just me who can feel this is a thin line.  The problem is that 1) I'm social and we have social friends who like to drink cocktails when being social.  2).  When your inhibitions are lowered due to cocktails, your willpower to no-no foods is also inhibited...so the choices I make aren't always sound or in my best interest...and this derails my nutrition.  Also, BALANCE.  No one can commit to never eating XYZ again.  Fill in the blank - Carbs again, sugar again, whatever - unless you overhaul your entire life and commit to Vegan or Gluten-Free.  My nutritionist never said to me "You will never eat carbs again" or "kiss pizza goodbye".  I am just really choosy now.  I still LOVE ice cream.  However, even a small Blizzard makes me sick.  Typically I can make a small Blizzard three separate treats.  Or I buy the high protein ice cream and have 5-8 bites and have satisfied the craving.  I still ADORE pizza but typically 1 and 1/2 pieces is it.  I gave up tracking my food via MyFitnessPal after one year but I know I average about 1200-1500 calories a day.  I know this because my food intake doesn't really vary day to day.  Not to say I eat the same thing every single day but I know my breakfast is typically 300 calories with 15-20g of protein.  Lunch is typically 400 calories with another 15-20g of protein.  Snack is usually 100 calories - bonus on the protein and dinner is 500-700 calories with 20-25g of protein.  Some days I kill it on the protein, others I don't.  But I don't obsess.  I forgive and move on.  Like throwing a bad score in a Synchro meet.  Let go and move on.   A bad day here and there is not going to derail the entire train if they truly are here and there...which brings us to....

Honesty.  Probably the most intimate realization on this journey has been giving up excuses for honesty.  Excuses are camouflage for insecurity.   Excuses mask doubt...mostly self-doubt.  If you think before you make an excuse, you may have to face the honest truth which may be a personal short-coming.  This isn't hard and fast...there are times when tact and manners are important but in my own life, the stories I make up and the excuses I create are typically to cover some personal insecurity.  "I don't have time" is an excuse for "It's not a priority" or "Rearranging is too much work" OR PROBABLY "I'd have to ask for help and I don't want to because that would give the impression that I am weak and cannot do it all and I may actually be human".  And while I'm turning the magnifying glass on myself, I'm also going to dare to say this - the phrase "I'm sorry" has been misused in our world for far too long.  "I'm sorry" should not be a self-inflicted wound.  It should not be a phrase to explain our human-ness or our woman-ness or our feelings.  It shouldn't be a crutch for becoming upset or saying our truth.  What it SHOULD be is the gateway to conversation - "I'm sorry I said XYZ in that moment.  I was coming from a place of deep insecurity and I took it out on you.  I apologize to you for my actions but I'm SORRY for myself - I have a wound and I need help healing".  "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" are two very different phrases.  "I'm sorry" is inactive.  It is a wallowing, pitiful, dark space of dispair and hopelessness.  "I apologize" is active.  It is forward moving and thinking and motivating. 

I have plenty of insecurities still.  140 pounds later, I'm still typically the largest person in yoga class.  In photos, I am not tiny.  But my size does not define me and my insecurities are no one else's business.   I surround myself with supportive friends who love me regardless of size, regardless of status, regardless of history.  Who recognize that as humans, we stumble and mis-step and make mistakes but we also rise above and take care of each other when we notice someone needs it.  I recognize insecurities and faults in my tribe and rather than pointing them out, I pray for the healing of the individual and the self-awareness to rise above.  I love my friends for the humans they are - faults and cracks and quirks and all.  That's what makes them who they are and if I haven't abandoned them for showing that real-ness by now, I'm not going anywhere.

Whew.  Yes, I've drank the Kool-Aid that is Hollis Co. and Rise and Rise Together and Girl Wash Your Face.  I highly recommend it all. 

NSV's - Non-Surgical Victories

Man, this summer is flying by.  Seriously I don't know where the time has gone.  Mid-August always makes me very emotional and anxiety-ridden.  The start of another school year makes me more aware of my kids growth - even more so than their birthdays or New Year's Eve.  Admitting to myself that I have a 6th grader is just a hard pill to swallow.  Not sure if that will ever change.

I will say, however, that this summer has had hundreds of small victories proving I am a new person.  Not to say that I LOVE wearing a swimsuit but I certainly don't dread it like I used to.  Clothes shopping for size 10/12 or L is a lot more fun than size 22/24 and XXL.  Being out-and-about at events with my family, carrying a child and a backpack full of stuff without sweating my shirt through or breathing heavy from simply walking is pretty awesome.  Not feeling like everyone is staring at me is a bonus - I pretty much blend into the crowd now (happily!!).

The family took a weekend trip to Green Bay WI a couple weekends ago to see Packer's Training Camp.  We walked all over, the boys participated in some fun activities designed for kids.  We stayed at a hotel with a massive indoor water park.  There I was, in my suit, playing in the water with my kids.  And when my three year old wanted to go down the waterslide, I picked him up on one hip and lifted the two-person tube up with the other arm and up the three flights of stairs I went.  No problems.  Wasn't even winded at the top.  THAT, my friends, is progress.  And I didn't do that once - I believe I hiked up that waterslide 5-6 times carrying the tube (though I did eventually talk the 30 pounds into holding my hand and walking up the stairs himself).

The running...OH the running...it's my thing.  My jam.  My release.  I am really trying to commit to AT LEAST 35 minutes a day, three days a week and two days of 50 minutes per week.  I also hired a personal trainer to help me with these last 25-30 pounds.  So far, that's been a positive experience.  The 'good' sore tells me it's working.  The scale still isn't moving but I'm just trying my best to be patient.

I did, however, go into a consignment shop the other day to kill some time and tried on a couple pair of size 10 pants that I ended up buying...because the combined total was $4 for both AND they'll fit by this fall.

So there ya have it.  Life on the other side is so very good.  So happy to be here!!!

1 Year Post-Op Appointments

The last big thing to mark my one-year post-op was the follow up with the surgeon, the nutritionist and the exercise physiologist.  I met with the doctor and the nutritionist last week but couldn't meet with physio until today.

Everything is great for the most part.  My weight loss by the numbers is about what they expected me to lose in one year.  My labs came back good - my good cholesterol is high (meaning it's good), my bad cholesterol is low (also good) and my overall is at a very good 180.  My vitamin levels look decent but I need to work on getting my D in every day.  The concern was for my calcium level, which was OK but not stellar so I have to be super-vigilant about taking it.  Of all the things I was supposed to do post-op, taking my calcium has been at the bottom of the list so it's being moved closer to the top now that I've wrapped my brain around this new lifestyle.

I met with physio today and she was much more encouraging.  Her numbers are based on actual body make-up so they're not averages, they're true to MY body.  First of all, measurements.  Hard to argue with those.  I've lost 20 inches from my waist.  20.  Inches.  Like the length of my newborns.  JUST. FROM. MY. WAIST.   I've lost 17 from my hips.  That's a total of 37 inches and doesn't account for thigh or arm measurements.  Holy crap.

My favorite part about meeting with Physio is that she hooks an electrode up to my foot and one up to my hand and it measures what my muscle mass is.  My personal BMI.  Not some equation for my height and weight but truly what MY skeleton and muscles weigh.  Since I started this RNY journey, I've lost 103 pounds of pure fat.  I have also lost some muscle but not a ton and I have a strategy to get that back.  I'm no longer considered "obese" as my BMI is below 30% (it's 28% so I'm still "overweight" but not 'obese').

The hard work is paying off...however I still need to work hard.  I need to get back into 9Round for some muscle-building action.  This will become infinitely easier once baseball/t-ball is over in a couple weeks.  I also need to do resistance training on the nights when I don't do cardio.  I need to put in at least 15-20 minutes to my muscles.  If I commit to doing those two things, I should kick-start the weight loss again AND build some muscle.  Both positive things.

Life is still good.  So so very good.

One YEAR Post-Op

A year ago today was my RNY.  In fact, a year ago right about now, surgery was done and I was being wheeled into recovery.

My memories of that day are spotty.  I remember the morning clearly - getting up and driving to Abbott, waiting with my mom and Phil, going back to pre-op and changing and answering a million questions and taking a pregnancy test and starting the IV.   After surgery, I remember my nurse anesthetist saying "All done, Amy!!  You did great!!!" into my ear as she wheeled me into the recovery room.  I remember feeling like my brain was stuck in honey or jello or something all day - sticky and slow and tired...so very tired...wanting to stay awake but falling in and out of sleep all day.  I remember doing laps around the nurses station that night - alone - with my IV pole - and thinking about what I had just done.  And being really scared that it was done.

The year has gone by - and would have passed whether I had surgery or not.  Buy my GOD am I so happy I took the plunge.  I'm so thankful for the opportunity to have had it done...and so blessed that I mustered up the courage to do it.   The person I was a year and more ago was not happy.  She was so stuck and depressed and trapped she didn't know how to do much more than breathe because she'd failed so many times at dieting and taking control that she was just stuck.  I'm now free.  Thank God.
Anniversary's are typically marked with a meal or a celebration. No special meal for me today - just my typical plan.  I will, however, have a nice long workout tonight and push myself hard.  Harder than a typical workout - in celebration because I CAN.  I CAN run an extra 10 minutes.  I can up the incline and handle it.  I can do an extra set of squats or lunges or sit-ups or triceps.  That's my celebration.  I CAN DO HARD THINGS.

11.5 Months Post-Op

The stall continues.

However...I am still proud of where I am.  Not many people in the world can say they've lost 130 pounds in 11.5 months.  How crazy is that??  Less than a year!!  I lost the equivalent of my not-small 11 year old!!   That is significant!!

I got inked almost three weeks ago now.  I have tattoos on the tops of both my feet.  I love them.  I love them in a weird way - maybe partially because it's hard to believe they're real and forever.  I went by myself to get them...for some reason, I thought Phil would want to join me but he said he didn't need to do that so I was on my own.  Since these are my first tattoos, I'd never been inside a tattoo shop before my consultation.  It's much more surgical than I thought it'd be.  I was so impressed by the entire process.  Also, I picked a very tender location for these tattoos - there isn't much flesh on the tops of feet and especially for the script, it felt like she was carving into my foot with a razor blade.  I will say this - I can see how it's addicting.  I find myself looking at them more frequently than I thought I would...in admiration, not in shame.  And I love the phrase I chose - "I can do hard things".  Yup and yup.  I went thru a very itchy phase a couple days ago but they seem to have stopped itching and peeling so I do believe we're close to being all healed up...and I adore them.

I have my one year post-op appointment on June 23rd.  I'm supposed to go have all the labs done (bloodwork) this week so we have results to talk about at the appointment.  I'm afraid I'm going to disappoint the doctor and the nutritionist because I haven't lost much at all since my 9 month appointment.  These last 30 pounds are tough - I'm fighting for each and every one.

I'm still running and I'm still not IN LOVE with running but now that it's easier, it's not bad.  My secret is finding a show I love to watch while doing it - currently that show is Sons of Anarchy.  I'm up to 45 minutes running (not fast, mind you) with some hills tossed in for good measure.  What a workout that is!!!  And when complete, I feel strong and able and proud...because it wasn't long ago that I would have rather died than think about running for even 5 minutes.  And even still, the first 5 minutes are the hardest.  Once I hit the 10 minute mark, I feel pretty good.  But the beginning is the hardest and the worst.  Much like anything, really.

That's all I got - not much to report.  I'll post the update after my appointment in 2 weeks!!!

Update - 10 Months Post-Op

I'm in my biggest stall ever - haven't dropped a single pound since early March.

Yeah, I'm a little disappointed.  I mean, I'm still playing by the rules...and to be honest, now that I'm not seeing a 2 at the beginning of my weight every morning, I'm feeling pretty good.  But my goal weight is still 30 pounds away and I'd like to hit that by Christmas.  Slow and steady.

Here's what I know : I can run and I do run.  I still don't particularly enjoy running, but I can do it for 30 minutes without pain.  I can also do it for longer than 30 minutes, but my knees are very angry the next day.  So right now I still to 15 minutes of walking fast, 30 minutes of running (NOT FAST) and another 15 - 30 minutes of walking fast with inclines.  This typically burns 500 calories according to the treadmill.  I then hop off and do some ab work with my weight bench and stability ball followed by some squats with weights and some arm work also with weights.  I have a 15lb. kettle bell and sets of 7 pound hand weights.  I newly invested in a set of 10 pound hand weights too.  So the weight/resistance stuff adds another 15-20 minutes to the workout.  And when I'm done, I feel amazing.  Strong and able and tired.  And GOOD.

I also know that my mind needs the exercise just as much if not more than my body.  I need the endorphin rush.  I need the feeling of accomplishment.  I need the challenge.  I need the me-time.

I also know this : more calories is better right now.  Not crazy more.  But 200 more or so.  I think my body thinks it's starving on 600 or so calories.  I also KNOW that I need to focus on more water.  I had my 9 month post-op check up a few weeks ago and my blood pressure was alarmingly low at 90/48.  So being more careful about water intake and assuring good hydration should help - I have some pretty serious dizzy spells without it which is part of the low blood pressure thing.

I am slowly able to eat some old favorites again - namely salad.  Not big portions but it feels so great to crunch on cold and crisp salad.  You really really miss texture after a while, ya know?  Greek yogurt is awesome but not much texture.

I got to purge my closet yet again.  I'm 110% out of plus sized clothes...so out with all of those.  Also out of most of the first round of regular sized stuff I bought.  The difference between a 16 and a 12 doesnt' sound like a lot but it IS the difference between a belt and not.  So yes, the Goodwill is getting another three bags of stuff - some which never got worn.  Thank goodness for the write-off values!!!

Finally, I scheduled an appointment for my first tattoo.  Pretty out of character for me and kind of scary but I'm excited at the same time.  I'm having the phrase "I can do hard things" inked on the top of my foot...as a permanent reminder that I CAN DO HARD THINGS.  I have and I will and I can.  I've put a lot of thought into the placement and the phrase and the lettering - I think it'll be very tasteful and discrete.  I even got the support of my mom who hates tattoos...so there ya go!!

Life is good.  I cannot believe it's been almost a year since I started this journey.  The year was going to pass whether I took the plunge or not but I'm so thankful I did.  I needed one day of extreme bravery on surgery day.  And even on the hardest of days post-op or since, I never once have regretted this decision.  I'm actually starting to look like the person I've always been in my  head.  The list of things I can now do without a second thought is amazing.  I'm so incredibly blessed by this journey.

One-derland!!!

I woke up on Saturday morning weighing under 200 pounds.

On The Biggest Loser, they call this "One-derland".

This was a HUGE deal for two reasons.  First, I cannot remember when I have seen a 1XX number on the scale.  I can only assume it was in high school...but I cannot remember.  And it feels AMAZING.

Second, it also means I've lost 120 pounds since pre-liquid diet and 100 pounds since the day of surgery.  Also a huge freaking deal.

AND I've lost more since Saturday...so life just keeps getting better!!  I almost think my body had hit a place where 500-600 calories wasn't triggering loss anymore because the days I've eaten more like 700 calories, I lose.  So OK!!  Feed you more, I get it body!!!

I've been battling something - not sure if it's a cold or flu or what but I'm exhausted and coughing and aching - so I haven't been working out this week because it honestly takes all my energy to just make it until the boys bedtime when I collapse in bed myself.  Even without working out, I'm losing.  Weird.

I had some labs run at the doctor a couple weeks ago - I had my cholesterol checked, my Iron level checked, and a basic CBC.  I've always had high cholesterol since I first had it checked at age 8.  This time, it was 160.  Well within the "Normal" range.  My Iron level was also quite normal.  So further proof - as if I needed it - that my WLS was a good decision.  I actually AM healthier than I've ever been.

So looking at the scale this week has been fun...and my thoughts often drift to how I'll feel when I see my goal weight on that scale.  Knowing, as I know today, that I am doing this.  I made a commitment and am holding to it.  Many, many people who learn of my surgery say "OH!!  I know someone who also had that!!!  They lost a ton and then gained half of it back!!".  Well gee.  Thanks.  I dream all the time that I am fat again.  That I'm depressed and stuck in a body that I despise and drowning in myself.  And I wake up feeling desperate and scared.  Trust me when I say, I will NOT be that girl who people are referring to who lost it all and gained half back.  I am not.

That's all from One-derland today!!!  Life is good here!!!

New Life on Vacation...

My sweet husband and I spent 5 lovely days in San Diego, CA last week.  It was so awesome - the weather was perfect (75+ and sunny).  We had a ball walking around, visiting friends, shopping, eating in yummy restaurants.  And I did a couple things that I would never considered doing before surgery.

First, I brought workout stuff and ACTUALLY USED IT.  We stayed in a hotel that had a beautiful fitness room.  Two very new treadmills and two new elliptical machines along with an array of free weights and a stability ball with two wall mounted TV's connected to all the cable channels.  Being as we were on vacation without our children, I had no excuses NOT to carve out time for workouts a couple times on our trip.  And it was actually fun.  It's amazing what a new treadmill can do for a workout.  I'm not sure if it was wider or what but it felt different and great.  I also used the elliptical on another occasion and that too was a great workout.  An hour of cardio and 15 minutes of abs/weights was a great way to complete my day while on vacation twice.

Second, we walked all over the frickin' place!!!  There is so much to see and do in San Diego and we didn't waste an opportunity.  Yes, we used public transportation and we rented a car for a couple days...but we also walked a lot and thanks to my trusty Fitbit, I know that on Friday, we walked 7.7 miles.  That's around Old Towne several times, down by the Harbor and the aircraft carrier, around Seaport Village, and back up thru Gaslamp to our hotel.  Then a break for a nap and back out for dinner in Gaslamp and back to the hotel.  Now, this was extreme...we were feeling a bit tight in the legs on Saturday but it wasn't bad.  It felt amazing to be able to say that we walked that far!!  Our vacations just don't typically include a ton of activity - we're more of the 'park it on the beach in a chair' kind of vacationers.  This was a fun experience to be on the move and enjoying it!!

Finally, I ate.  I was so sad to think that food is a part of traveling I enjoy and if I had WLS, I would have to kiss that part of my life goodbye...but not the case!!  I had an omlette with smoked salmon, I had sushi, I had grilled salmon, I had sea bass, I had huervos rancheros.  I had wine.  I didn't go overboard and I followed the rules of eating/drinking/protein first.  I kept up with my water.  And I didn't gain any weight.  I didn't lose any either, so it's a good thing we were walking and I worked out...but I didn't gain any weight.  This was a huge victory for me.

Flying home, I was sitting in my coach seat with my seatbelt fastened with plenty of room to spare with my legs crossed reading thinking how much my life has changed.  I know I repeat this in every blog post but man, I'm so damn thankful to have been able to have this surgery.  I am SO happy to be in this body now...this body that is responding and is finally working with me to be our healthiest self.  I didn't realize how miserable I was for so long trapped under all that weight.  I'm 45 pounds away from my goal weight and I couldn't be more excited to conquer it.  I cannot wait to say "I did it!!!" and know in my heart that yes, I did it.  No one else.  Me.  All me.  

206 Days Later...

It's been 206 days.

206 days since I've had a stomach.  206 days since I made the life-change.  206 days since my new life started.

I haven't written in a long time because there hasn't been much to report about.  I found my groove and it was an awesome ride for three months.  I was losing a half pound to a pound a day.  Weight was literally melting off.  Then I hit a stall just after Thanksgiving and it's been much more work.  They did tell me that the first 6 months were the easiest time and after that, the weight loss required effort.  That was 110% true.  But I stay the course.  I log every single thing I eat.  I log every work out.  I wear my Fitbit religiously.  My New Year's resolution was to make a better attempt at taking my vitamins and calcium (I'm remembering MORE...but I am not up to daily yet).

My calorie intake hovers around 500.  Some days it's more, some days it's shy but most days, I'm between 475 and 550.  I know that sounds ridiculously low but you'd be surprised by how satisfied you can get when you are eating only protein and real food - cutting out processing and most carbs.  I eat a lot of Greek yogurt and Quark, cottage cheese, lean meats - chicken breast, fish - and fruit/veggies.  I miss other foods...of course I do.  I miss baked goods a lot.  I also miss SALADS immensely.  I miss cold and crunchy.  However my new plumbing just isn't loving salad yet.  I get really full in just a couple bites and since protein is more important, I rarely have room for greens.  Other veggies go down better - green beans, asparagus, broccoli - all feel better in the pouch because I can get them more chewed up than I can lettuce/spinach.  My teeth just can't grind greens the same way.  I still adore soup...and Yasso Greek Yogurt pops.  They are 100 calories and my substitute for ice cream - and they come in flavors like cookie dough and salted caramel...so they really are a close substitute.

I'm in love with working out and I feel seriously down when I can't fit them in.  This week, working out just hasn't been that easy - activities and plans got in the way.  The highlight of my Friday evening is a long workout.  Me, my elliptical, my treadmill, the Smart TV - we have some serious work to do.  I still try to hit 9 Round  when I can and my home workouts are 60 minutes minimum.  I try to burn at least 800 calories per workout at home.  And yes, I still run.  Just to prove to myself that I can.

My body is changing.  Even when the scale isn't reflecting weight loss, my body is different.  I had my 6 month post op check up and the Exercise Phys gal did my measurements.  I've lost 15 inches off my waist.  15 INCHES OFF MY WAIST IN 6 MONTHS.  How insane is that?????  That's crazy.  The clothes I feel like I just bought (but in all honesty it's been since before Christmas) don't fit anymore.  My thighs and butt don't fill them out the way they should and I end up looking bigger than I really am.  I know it sounds like a stupid problem but shopping for new pants is frustrating when I know in a few weeks they're not going to fit again.  It's the middle of winter and I don't really WANT to buy more winter clothes...I want to think about cute spring stuff....but I can't buy that now because I have no idea what size I'll be when it's warm enough to actually wear it.  I know - first world problems.

I had my passport photo re-taken for a renewal on Monday.  I was disappointed to have to do this because I really loved my passport photo - it was a good picture and I'm smiling cute and have a nice tan going on.  However seeing the photos side-by-side is kind of an eye-opener.  I look like a totally different person.  The natural color hair helps the difference as does the fact that you're not supposed to smile anymore in the photo but my face is so different.  So even when I don't feel like much is changing...it is...

24 weeks Post-Op = 6 Months Out

I was in a bit of a stall since my last post.  They happen.  Doesn't mean they are not frustrating as hell,.  Doesn't mean that you start thinking really strange thoughts or start panicking that this may be it - maybe THIS is all the weight I'm going to lose.  When stalls do happen, I just keep on doing what I've been doing.  I don't go calorie-crazy and start eating more.  I don't stop working out.  I just stay the course.  Eventually my body catches on that even if it has a little tantrum I'm not going to give in.  This stall lasted from November 20th to today.  This was a long one.  I hope I can have a nice run until my next one.

I survived Thanksgiving.  It was hard, however.  It's really difficult to see all the amazing comfort foods you have grown to love and then after 4 bites, you're done.  Not with that one item...but done with the meal.  White Turkey doesn't go down very well - it's dry and I'm not a gravy lover.  Stuffing was awesome but not really the protein-packed item I'm supposed to eat much of.  My other favorite - Sweet Potatoes - is also a carb...so I was pretty limited in what I could eat.  I had a good workout that morning so I didn't feel guilty for what I did eat.  Instead of pie, I made some coffee and had a yummy mug of that.  It worked out.

I can run 20 minutes straight now.  I had been running at the end of my workouts but yesterday I switched it up and after a 15 minute warm-up walking, I started to jog just to see how long I could go.  I made it 20 minutes and I swear I could have gone longer but I also wanted to walk today without pain.  I'm truly amazed I made it that long.  Even as it was happening, I was amazed that my body was just doing what it was doing - no side ache, no burning lungs, no ankle or knee pain.  I found a groove and just ran.  Now, it wasn't fast by any means.  In fact, I could probably almost walk as fast as I was running but that's not important.  The fact is that I ran.  And I'm proud of that.

I have 10 pair of pants that I can send off to the consignment store as they will never fit anymore.  I attended my husband's holiday party for work on Friday night and felt like a million bucks.  I looked good and I felt amazing.  I ran into two folks I hadn't seen in a while on Sunday and both couldn't get over how 'amazing' I look.  DAMN that feels good!!!  I still don't see it the same way other people do.  I don't look in the mirror and see the new me.  I see the old me with the same gross areas that bothered me before.  However in clothes, I am liking what I see more and more.  I still box at 9 Round at least once a week and I can tell that I'm getting stronger there too - and the trainers who work there always comment on how I'm doing.  That also feels good.

Again, I'm so very thankful to have had this opportunity.  I have my 6 month follow-up appointment next week and will update with my current stats then.  I really wanted to hit the 100 pound mark by then but the stall is going to prevent that from happening.  It's ok.  Whether I hit that milestone in 10 days or not, I'll hit it and I will celebrate.  I've come a long way!!!

21 1/2 Weeks Post-Op - WOW.

Guys.  I ran.  I was finishing up a treadmill workout last night - I typically do 65 minutes on the treadmill at 3.4 mph with the incline set at 5%.  Then after about 25 minutes, I start playing with the incline and I'll do 5 minutes at 10%, 5 minutes at 15%, 5 minutes back at 10%...and then I'll drop back to 5% and carry 5 pound hand weights.  It's a good workout.  Makes me sweat and I can feel it in my quads and gluts the next day.

I rewarded myself with a new TV in my workout area - I got a little Smart TV that has wi-fi so I can watch Netflix while I workout.  The previous TV was OK but we couldn't connect it to cable so I was watching DVD's of Sex and the City while working out and since they're only 22 minutes long, I was getting on and off the treadmill 3 times per workout to hit "Play" again.  Annoying.  Anyways, the new TV came out of the box, I hopped on the treadmill and gave it 55 minutes and then thought - "let's see what happens".  I bumped the speed up to 4.3 mph and started to jog.  Not fast, not pretty but it happened.  I wanted to see if I could go 5 minutes straight, no stopping, no slowing down.  I KILLED IT.  I totally did it!!  And it wasn't bad!!  I mean, I don't know if I'll ever classify myself as a RUNNER, but I did it...and I'll do it again.

I hit a nice little goal overnight too.  As of today, I weigh less than I did when I met my husband.  I also weigh less than I did when I conceived my oldest son.  That puts me at 95 pounds lost since my heaviest weight ever and 75 pounds lost since the day of surgery.  I'm almost overwhelmed that it's THAT much weight.

Man, I write this a lot but it feels so good to be successful at this weight loss game.  I spent so much of my life being discouraged and depressed about not being able to lose weight or not being able to stick with a diet.  I absolutely feel blessed that I had the opportunity to have a Roux-en-Y surgery covered by insurance.  I know I never would have had this success without the help of surgery.  Yes, it's work.  I have a hacking cough that would have been a wonderful excuse to skip a workout last night...but I really wanted to see the scales number drop this morning and that meant making time for the treadmill.  Yes, Thanksgiving is coming up and I would love to eat everything my heart desires but I do NOT want to pay the consequences so I have no choice but to be good.  I love that.  Cheating is not an option.  There is no more justification for my actions necessary - it's not possible to not be good.  Such an amazing feeling!!

20 Weeks Post Op - Look good feel good

I can now wear 'normal' pants.  The pants in this photo - the pants I have on today - are size 18.  Not from the Plus section.  Just 18's.  And the sweater was from Costco - and they don't sell Plus sizes at Costco.

This may not seem like a big deal but to me, it's a very big deal.  I will never shop at a Lane Bryant again.  Ever.

Is an 18 my goal?  Nope...but it's a gigantic step and proof that I AM losing weight.

And just for the record, I look much better in clothes that fit.  I've been so hesitant to buy anything new because the old clothes (sizes 24, 22 and 20) "fit".  No, they don't fit...they're way too big...but with a belt and some creative undergarments, they work.  Well I took a leap and bought some new clothes on sale at Penny's for work - these pants included.  I also got a 'treat' from my mom which included a couple more pairs of pants and a couple sweaters.  So, this weekend I'm going to once again purge and pack up the clothes I've shrunk out of and send them over to the consignment store.  I will not need them - why hang on to them?

My neck is defined.  I don't have a double chin anymore.  I have cheek bones that don't need contouring to pop out.  I have a collar bone that is visible.  I'm winning at this!!!!  Seriously - I'm having success!!!  How cool is that???

I have 65 pounds to go to my first goal weight and 75 pounds to go to my stretch goal.  And I cannot wait to see what size that puts me at or what it will feel like in a body that size.  Do I miss food?  Yup...still - daily - some days hourly.  But I wouldn't trade this feeling of PRIDE for anything.

19 Weeks Post-Op - More love for Weekends

I love weekends.  Aside from the not having to be at work part, I am loving weekends for the fact that I lose more weight on the weekends than I do during the week.  Like, significantly more.  I can lose 3-4 pounds between Saturday morning to Monday morning.  I think this is due to a little combination of things.
1.  I get a little more sleep on the weekends.  Not much, as my kids wake up at pretty much the same time whether it's Saturday or Tuesday, but probably an additional 30-45 minutes.
2.  I don't have as scheduled of a day - I leisurely drink my coffee in the morning.  I don't force a lunch break - I grab a bite here and there as I need it.
3.  I drink water all day long.  Not just in meetings when I think about it.  4.  I rarely stop moving during the day - I'm jockeying laundry, I'm running to Costco, SuperTarget, Home Depot, wherever my life needs me to go.  In between those errands, I'm running around my house cleaning up after the kids or cleaning areas that need attention.
4.  I nap.  I take a 2 hour nap with my two little kids every Saturday and typically every Sunday too.  I love it.  It's my little indulgence to myself.  We all get cozy in our big bed and fall asleep all cuddled up.  Believe it or not, there is not nearly as big of a fight to take a nap if Mom takes one with you.
5.  I work out.  Hard.  For 65-75 minutes.  Walking on the treadmill at an incline.  Now I've added hand weights to that as well in 5 minute intervals.  I drip.  I feel like I'm going to die.  And it's Awesome.

I am very close to two milestones - and they are only a few pounds apart.  As of today, I now weigh what I weighed when I met Phil's family at Thanksgiving in 2007.  I had been doing SlimGenics and weighing in three times a week, so I remember my weights clearly.  This means I'm 12 pounds away from weighing what I weighed when Phil and I met.  8 years ago.  After that, it will be 6 more pounds until I've lost 100 pounds.  I really want to hit the 100 pound mark by Christmas so I have some work ahead of me...but I am loving workouts right now and the eating part is now second nature.  I just wish my love for water would be as strong as it was before surgery.

I get so full so fast from water and I really want to just chug it but that causes extreme pain.  It's something I need to devote focus on - sit with my water bottle in my hand and open and basically look at a clock and sip every minute or so.  I do love adding Lipton Lemon Iced Tea concentrate to my water but I can't seem to find the flavor I like anymore...so here I am.

Sill happy?  Yup.  Ecstatic.  I continue to be amazed at my success and I'm so very thankful to have had the positive journey.  

18 Weeks Post-Op

I'm really, REALLY thankful for this journey.  I truely believe I never would have been able to be a successful dieter without my RNY surgery.  I feel extremely lucky to have had a positive experience with the entire process start to now.  So please take this with a grain of salt - it's all good stuff...

All my clothes fit weird.

The butt is saggy.  They're all too long.  If I go down a size, the waist is tighter and I get a muffin top.  Not a look I particularly enjoy.  I know that it's a matter of weeks before I'm down another 10 pounds and the next size down isn't that far away but man, I'm tired of looking like a frump!!

I'm also cold much of the time and I know that's only going to get worse as the fat on my body comes off.  I'm willing to deal with this one.

I want to buy cute clothes...I'm dying to, actually...but not knowing where I'll end up size-wise, I'm reluctant to purchase anything too nice or thing about things too long term.

All that being said - man, it's fun to have a long lean neck.  It's so nice that folks are actually noticing that I'm smaller than I was.  Church is where I get the majority of the compliments from folks that don't see me daily - and that's really fun. Supportive and loving comments about how great I look is a great reminder that yes, I am doing something good for myself and yes, it's paying off.

I am also falling more and more in love with working out.  I wish my life had the amount of time I would need to workout to my hearts content but right now, I get about an hour 4-5 times a week.  I am stronger.  I am faster.  It's not that hard anymore - it's just enjoyable.  It feels GOOD to sweat!!

Life sure has changed in the past 4 months.  I'm so so SO happy to be on this side of the change!!!

17 Weeks Post-Op

I haven't written in a while and I have no excuses.  This could end up being a lengthy post.

I have lost 58 pounds since surgery and 78 since pre-op liquid diet.

We were in Cape Cod, MA from Tuesday until Saturday and I didn't have a scale the entire time.  This was very strange for me.  I've weighed myself every single morning for the past year with very few exceptions so to have no scale and be really actively working on losing was strange.  Happy to say that even though I was in a bit of a stall when we left, I managed to lose almost 6 pounds.  I'll take that!!  I continued to log everything I ate in Myfitnesspal.  We walked a ton.  Kept up on my water.  I stocked the rental cottage with Greek yogurt, string cheese, some deli ham, and chose my meals wisely.  Even got to enjoy some lobster.  Pretty cool indeed.

The flights to the Cape were interesting as well.  Not only do I not need a seatbelt extender, but I have room in an airplane seat to actually cross my legs!!  I could also wrestle with my 2 and 4 year old to get them belted in without having to remove my own safety belt.  I could also carry the carry-on, my purse AND a child at the same time without being winded at all.  I could walk up the aisle of the plane and not feel like my hips were hitting people in the face.  I put my tray table down and it actually came all the way down.  All of these are huge wins.  I love to travel and the absolute uncomfortable nature of being a large person in an airplane hindered that.  SO very happy to report that this is no longer an issue!!!!

Also, my collarbone is now visible.  It's much more pronounced on the right than the left but it's there.  I know...it's another one of those things that probably a normal-sized person doesn't think twice about but an overweight person can obsess over.  My neck and decollete area is starting to look like a thin person's.  And it's a big deal to me.

I can also wear clothes that are not in plus size.  Phil bought me a hoodie on vacation and it's a normal Large.  Not multiple 'X'.  Also, I bought a yoga top a month or so ago that was adorable and on sale thinking "someday" and someday came yesterday.  It didn't look perfect but it fit fine.

I'm continually amazed that this is working.

I do continue to miss food.  I don't deprive myself...I log everything, even if I'm not proud of a choice...but I do miss food.  We grilled steaks last night - they were amazing.  I took two bites and I couldn't eat anymore.  Not for any other reason.  It tasted amazing.  The texture was fine.  The moisture was there.  It was cooked a perfect medium rare.  I just couldn't get more than a couple bites to feel good down there and that's enough to make me stop.  It's a good thing - it means I'm following the rules and listening to my body, which will help me in the long run.  But sitting there with my family who were all raving at how awesome the steak was and not being able to enjoy it was a bummer.  There was left overs.  I'll try again tonight.

I think my next 'treat' to myself is going to be a new TV for my workout area in our basement.  I have an elliptical and a treadmill but the TV I use while working out has seen better days.  Now that flat screens have come down so much in price, it'd be nice to have another incentive to workout with.  We'll see.

That's all I got - still working at it...and it's still working...and I'm still in awe.

14 Weeks Post-Op

I skipped a post last week because really, there's not much to write about.

I'm so happy.  I'm so happy to be on this side of the journey.  I'm so happy to be experiencing success.  I'm so happy to feel proud of myself.

I am so thankful that I have experienced very little if any side effects.  Yes, I am losing hair now but I have so much, it's not a problem.  I've been so lucky.  I have found my groove...and it feels good.

I actually miss exercising when I haven't done it in more than 48 hours.  I love that.  I love the feeling after a good workout.

We're flying out to Cape Cod next week...and I'm actually curious how an airline seat will feel.  70 pounds ago, it wasn't fun to fly.  I actually bought a seatbelt extender to carry with me on flights because I was too humiliated and mortified to ask the flight attendant for one.  I don't think I'll need it now.  THANK GOD.

I hover around 450 calories per day.  It sounds low but really, it's about perfect.  I can count on a pound of weight loss if I stay around that number without exercise.  If I fit a workout in, I can stretch the calories to 600 or so and still achieve a pound per day.  This also depends on how much water I've had, what time of the month it is and if I've had too much salt...but for the most part, I'm losing a pound per day.  So exciting.

I wore some pants yesterday that fit great.  The waist was comfortable, the butt didn't sag.  They were a little gem I found when I cleaned out my closet a few weeks ago.  All day long I thought I thought I had on a size 22 - which is still a win because I was a tight 24 pre-op.  It wasn't until I changed out of my work clothes and into my workout clothes yesterday evening that I saw they were actually a 20.  Again, so happy.  That means another round of closet clean out could happen because I just kept all my 22's and now I may be too small for them.  Such an amazing feeling.


So there ya go.  Life is good.  I'm winning the weight loss battle.  I never thought I'd be able to say that...and I 110% credit the success to the surgery.  I never would have been able to succeed without it.