It's now been 6 weeks since surgery. Crazy because it feels like not that long ago and yet it also feels like I've been eating like a bird forever.
I'm down 48 pounds from my heaviest weight ever, 36 pounds since the beginning of the liquid diet and 26 pounds from the day of surgery. And it feels great...I love watching that scale move. I love that my favorite clothes are not going to fit at all much longer. I love that when we transition to fall, I'm going to need new things to wear. I love that the people in my life are noticing that I'm shrinking. That feels good.
What does not feel good is seeing myself in photos. Even with this pretty dramatic weight loss, I'm still one of the largest people in the room most of the time. I was reminded of this on Saturday night at my 20 year class reunion. The photos make me cringe. I'm trying to keep a stiff upper lip and say to myself "you'll be your true size by the next one" but I'd be lying if I didn't say it was discouraging. Yes, I would have been more mortified if this event would have been pre-surgery and I'm overjoyed with my success since...but I'm not there yet. That's the truth. And this weekend and the photos prove that.
However, the people (with just a very very few exceptions) that I saw on Saturday night have no impact on my life. I probably will not see them again for a long long time...and their opinion of me sincerely does not matter. I truly do not care if they went home to their spouse and said "Amy Johnson sure got fat". The people who love me, who care about my success and who support my journey know that I'm a work in progress...that I've come a long way in the past 6 weeks and the 6 months leading up to surgery. My life is a-OK without the opinions of everyone from my past. I know I'm succeeding because I see it in my clothes and on the scale. My husband called me his "incredible shrinking woman" this morning. That's all the validation I need.
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