9 Weeks Post-Op - The New Normal

9 Weeks Post Op.  Summer is wrapping up.  Summer was just RAMPing up when I had my RNY.  Amazing how fast time can go...

I'm not afraid to share my surgery story...mainly because I am really happy with how the entire process went.  I don't have one bit of a horror story.  My age, my pre-op health, my attitude - I just decided this was going to be a good experience and it was.  I have momentary feelings of discomfort but never regret.  This is my new normal.

I've found my groove.  I know what I can eat easily and what is more difficult and what is a flat out NO right now.  I have found products that help with my protein intake - like Quark.  Ever heard of Quark??  Quark is a CHEESE product but packaged and sold in the yogurt section.  It's very similar to Greek yogurt - creamy and thick with fruit - but has only 80 calories per 6 ounces and 14g of protein.  My goal for a day is 50-60g...so pair that up with one of my Premier Protein shakes of 30g and I'm almost there.

I know that watermelon is almost always a good choice.  I know that soup is my friend.  I know that rice is never a good choice.  After 3 sips of a Margarita, I know that alcohol is something I'm going to avoid for a while longer...as 3 sips about knocked me over.

I'm losing.  My God, I'm successfully losing.  And I'm proud of that.  I'm proud that I am shrinking and I'm exercising and I'm eating right and it's working.  It's OK for me to be proud of myself because I deserve that.  No one is doing this for me.  I'm following the food rules.  I'm hitting the gym.  I'm getting my protein and water.  This is all me.  And I'm succeeding.  Damn, it feels good!!!

Observations

Strange feeling yesterday - I put on some pre-op khaki pants and at that time, they were loose but not falling down.  After driving into work and then sitting at my desk for a couple hours, they stretched out and by lunchtime, I needed to keep my hands in my pockets simply to hold my pants up.  The butt was super baggy...the waist was baggy...it was funny and impressive (at one point these pants barely fit) but also a bit dangerous...had anyone tugged on my pants, they would have easily fallen down to my ankles.

I can also easily fit into tops in my closet that are 18/20's, not 22/24.  That's a great feeling as well.

My bras no longer hurt.  No more digging into my shoulders or my sides.

My sportsbras are almost too big...there's more bounce happening than I remember - time for a smaller size there...

Some of my shoes now feel 'sloppy'.  Shoes that were once fitting perfectly now feel a bit loose.

All of this after shedding 50 pounds.  I'm 1/3 of my way to my goal.  I'm still so curious to know what everything will be/look like/feel in 100 more pounds!!!

I've struggled to get my water in for the past couple days.  As a result I woke up with a horrendous headache this morning.  Dehydration.  Not cool.  I really really need to make a conscience effort of drinking water.

I ordered some Bariatric Chewable vitamins on Amazon.  I haven't been taking my vitamins as religiously as I should be...so I got some new ones to see if they were better than Flintstones.  Nope.  They're also equally disgusting.  However I will bring my Flintstones to work so I can take one in the morning if I forget at home.

The weight is still coming off in interesting places first.  My gut is going to be the last to go.  Not much I can do about it - I think it's just how my body is dealing with all this.  Hitting the gym to workout is great - I love 9Round - but I'm still the largest person in the room there AND I have to modify almost every 'active transition' because of my chipped tibia.  Anything involving jumping or the plank position is really really painful.  So I do a lot of running in place.  Whatever - at least I'm there moving my body, right??  But in my twisted head, all I think is how everyone must be judging me.  "look at that big girl - she's so big she can't even DO half this stuff".  That's what they're saying inside my head.  When in reality, I doubt they're even noticing that I'm doing my own thing and if they do, do I really care???  I'm not judging anyone there.  Why do I automatically assume they're judging me?  Because I do.  That's part of the insanity that is my brain.

Another crazy thinking thing that is happening involves calories.  I track everything I eat/drink in MyFitnessPal.  I have it on my phone.  I have my Fitbit linked to it.  I'm not sure where the 'normal' line is drawn about watching calories though.  Tuesday, I had 10-15 Pita Chips.  I logged them - 150 calories.  I was still under 550 calories for the entire day...so no big deal, right??  I couldn't forgive myself for eating the stupid pita chips.  They tasted amazing.  I chewed them up to a delightful paste in my mouth...texture wasn't an issue.  They went down fine.  I still lost a pound by the morning. So why am I obsessing over this???   I didn't eat an entire pint of ice cream or half a pizza.  I didn't even eat a normal serving size of Pita Chips.  I need to be mindful of this so it doesn't spiral.

8 Weeks Post -Op - Stall over

The best part about a stall, if there is a best part, is that when if finally breaks I feel invincible.  Sunday morning I was back to losing again...down a pound.  This morning I was down an additional 2.  So yeah...I may have been super bummed about the scale not moving for 10 days, but to lose 3 pounds in 2 days makes it worth it.

I took some time last night and tried on 5 pair of jeans in my closet...two of which still have tags on them.  Super cute, expensive jeans.  It's pretty safe to say that I will probably shrink too much to have them be a part of my life in a few weeks...as 4/5 of them were marginally too big now.  The one pair that is not marginally too big will probably fit in about 2-3 weeks.  This blows my mind.  Jeans.  Like, the nemesis of  most women - and the pairs I currently own will not fit soon.  Damn.  Feels GOOD.

Still not getting the support I anticipated from my spouse.  Maybe my expectations were too high to begin with....but I can say things like "today I weigh what I weighed when I ordered my wedding dress" and he remains silent.  Then I follow up with "that was a wide-open opportunity for some encouragement" and he stammers like a fish.  I wore a dress on Sunday to church that I got no less than 10 compliments on - husband said nothing.  Not a "You look nice" or anything.  I knew he wasn't a compliment giver but when I'm so blatantly changing at a rapid pace, I'd think that hearing other people compliment me would kick him in the ass to start doing the same.  No such luck.  Even my 4 year old says "Momma - I like your dress - it's really beautiful!!"  Come on, Phil.

I think that I'll take some 8-week update photos tonight....not sure if I'll post them or not but I need them for me.  I need to see what other people are seeing for progress.  

7 Weeks Post-Op - Check in with Exercise Phys.

Part of this journey included 6+ months of pre-op appointments.  I met with a Nutritionist monthly and an Exercise Physiologist twice.  Of course, the Nutritionist focused on nutrition (duh) and losing weight pre-op as well as setting myself up to maintain good eating habits post-op.  The Exercise Phys appointments were to pave the way for good habits for exercising - including cardio and resistance training to maintain as much muscle mass as possible during weight loss.  This is important because muscle burns fat...and if you lose muscle, you lose your fat burning at it's optimal level.  

Fast forward to today.  I had a follow-up appointment with Exercise Phys to see how I'm progressing after surgery.  I'm proud to say I got a gold star on my progress!!  I've lost 4.5 inches in my waist.  I've lost 2 inches in my hips.  However, most importantly, I have lost only a half a pound of muscle.  This is huge...because it's quite normal for there to be quite a dramatic drop in muscle mass after this kind of surgery and weight loss.  In my case, I've lost almost 100% fat.  No muscle.  And this is amazing news.  Like - super encouraging, confidence boosting, self-esteem stroking good news.  I'm doing great...my body is reacting the exact way they want it to following a RNY...and I got the "just keep doing what you're doing" pep talk.  Not a whole laundry list of things to do - just keep doing what I'm doing.  THANK YOU!!!!

Yes, I'm in a stall.  Officially.  And guess what?  Last month around this time I was in a stall too...  And guess what?  It was about the time I was rabid with PMS too.  Hmmmmm...connection??  Absolutely!!!  Another thing I learned today - don't freak about the monthly stall.  It's normal and just ride it out.  As long as I'm not in menopause, it's just part of life and just keep plowing thru it.  Another sigh of relief.  It's not me.  It's Normal.  

So yeah...week 7 Post-Op is a good one...stall and all.  

Stalling Again???

I'm tired.

Really tired.

I've been going to sleep later than usual and getting out of bed in the morning has been harder than usual...so I've been hitting 'snooze' which isn't good for anyone.

I'm not sure if it's the low calorie intake or the time of year or what but I'm just exhausted lately.  We have had busy weekends and not a ton of downtime and it's taking a toll.  This weekend, we are heading to a cabin surrounded by a whole bunch of quiet so I'm hoping that it will allow for some much needed down-time.

So the scale isn't moving again.  I'm too worked up about it as it's only been 3 days but still...it's not moving.

And by all accounts, it should be.

I'm not consuming excess calories - I'm hovering around 600-800 per day.

I started working out too - I joined 9round.  It's a 30-minute circuit workout with a kickboxing focus. Punching, jabbing, kicking your way thru 9 3 minute circuits with 30 seconds of 'active transition time'  It kicks my ass.  I am drenched when I leave and I can't even DO some of the stations without modifications because I still have that chipped bone in my ankle.

I'm more active now than I was 3 months ago in general...so why isn't the scale moving?

Pretty sure that this is why they recommended that I put the scale away for a month - to prevent over-obsessing when the number doesn't move.

Here are some things that are different - my personal regularity is NOT the same.  Pre-op, I had this wonderful routine of drinking 2-3 tablespoons of Chia seeds mixed into my daily 4-5ounces of Kombucha.  I know - it sounds and looked horrible but it didn't taste bad and it was down the hatch in short order.  This routine is missed mostly because it kept things nice and regular on the other side.  That is not a luxury I've had since surgery.  I haven't tried it in a while tho - I should try it this weekend - but at the last shot, it was really hard to get the Kombusha down before the Chia turned into a big jellied ball.  Water has been going down better/faster so I should really try again - I miss a nice and empty intestinal tract.

I had my first episode where a meal didn't stay down.  Not just a bite, the entire meal came back.  Super gross.  Threw up in front of my 4 year old, which freaked him out.  Had some major foam happening.  Needless to say, pulled pork is not something I'm dying to try again anytime soon.  I think it was too fibrous - I couldn't chew it down much more.

The weight is coming off in strange places first.  My face is always one of the first places that weight loss is noticeable.  My fingers are shrinking because my rings (which were so tight the day of surgery I couldn't get them off) now slip and slide and spin around on my fingers.  The veins on my feet stick out.  My butt and gut must be shrinking because pants and jeans are loose in the waist and legs and my skirts are getting longer but it's not nearly as visible.  My favorite swim suit from our vacation in April is getting cuter as the summer wears on...I'm trying to wear it as much as possible knowing it will not fit next summer.

My pre-op days included 100+ ounces of water.  Part of my delayed bedtime is that I'm trying to get another 24-32 oz in before I go to sleep.  It's just not that easy anymore.  I could easily slam 16 ounces of water without taking a breath.  Not anymore.  Two sips too close together is still painful.  Therefore, salty foods - or anything that would make me thirsty - are kind of the 'avoid' list...because I can't get the water in to flush out the salt/combat the dehydration.  And maybe this is contributing to my exhaustion too - I may be slightly dehydrated.

So that's where I'm at.  Kind of a downer post today but that's life.  Not every day is sunshine and roses.  The good news is that even the cloudiest days don't last forever.

6 Weeks Post-Op and Social Functions

It's now been 6 weeks since surgery.  Crazy because it feels like not that long ago and yet it also feels like I've been eating like a bird forever.

I'm down 48 pounds from my heaviest weight ever, 36 pounds since the beginning of the liquid diet and 26 pounds from the day of surgery.  And it feels great...I love watching that scale move.  I love that my favorite clothes are not going to fit at all much longer.  I love that when we transition to fall, I'm going to need new things to wear.  I love that the people in my life are noticing that I'm shrinking.  That feels good.

What does not feel good is seeing myself in photos.  Even with this pretty dramatic weight loss, I'm still one of the largest people in the room most of the time.  I was reminded of this on Saturday night at my 20 year class reunion.  The photos make me cringe.  I'm trying to keep a stiff upper lip and say to myself "you'll be your true size by the next one" but I'd be lying if I didn't say it was discouraging.  Yes, I would have been more mortified if this event would have been pre-surgery and I'm overjoyed with my success since...but I'm not there yet.  That's the truth.  And this weekend and the photos prove that.

However, the people (with just a very very few exceptions) that I saw on Saturday night have no impact on my life.  I probably will not see them again for a long long time...and their opinion of me sincerely does not matter.  I truly do not care if they went home to their spouse and said "Amy Johnson sure got fat".  The people who love me, who care about my success and who support my journey know that I'm a work in progress...that I've come a long way in the past 6 weeks and the 6 months leading up to surgery.  My life is a-OK without the opinions of everyone from my past.  I know I'm succeeding because I see it in my clothes and on the scale.  My husband called me his "incredible shrinking woman" this morning.  That's all the validation I need.