Inspiration

I'm never going to be a proud fat girl.  It's safe to say that I'm never going to shop in Lane Bryant with pride.  I'm never going to consider myself sexy at a size 24.  People Magazine has a Size 22 Super Model on their cover this week.  Good for her - she is beautiful and obviously comfortable in her skin as she is.  There are women who own their size and love themselves and that is awesome. However I will never be me in my current body.  In my dreams at night, I'm not heavy...I'm a healthy, slim, fit, muscular lady who runs as if her feet never touch the ground.  That's the feeling I'm trying to capture and turn the dream into reality.

I have a second cousin who had her 'stomach stapled' twenty years ago or more.  She is gorgeous - regardless of size - and an incredibly strong person.  She is also the single person I knew who had bariatric surgery in my life for a very long time.

Then, because of the power of Facebook, I learned that someone I've known since they were born had also had gastric bypass - and again, she's always been gorgeous but since her surgery she's literally radiating happiness.

Megan Kuhlman.  Her grandparents and my grandparents were best friends for 50 years - lived in the same neighborhood, kids went to school together, went to church together and sang in the choir together, went on trips together - they were tight.  Megan is a younger than I am by less than 3 years.  I literally have known her since she was born.  Outgoing, FUN, intelligent, kind, honest, humorous, loyal - she's pretty special, to say the least.  Megan truly followed her dreams and moved to LA after high school to pursue acting...and though it's not her sole source of income, she was cast in the role of Hildenburg in the film "The Hot Chick"...and I think it's safe to say that her weight/size at that time played a part in her landing that role.  I'm super proud of her and I think it's frickin' awesome that she did it - moved across the country and is doing her thing and not allowing fear of failure to stop her...but when I learned about her decision to have a Roux-en-Y, I wanted to jump on a plane to talk to her about it.  Because I knew she wouldn't hide a single aspect - she'd give it to me straight.  She'd tell the good, the bad and the ugly.  And when she posted photos of herself one year past surgery - holding her pre-surgery jeans and standing in one leg while holding the other - and the look on her face - my heart wanted to leap out of my chest with sheer joy for her and at the same time, I had a rush of intense jealousy.  She did it...she, yet again, didn't allow fear to hold her back and just did it.  And she made it through.  And she's radiating beauty and happiness and contentment.

So I sent Mego a text as I was waiting for my first Nutritionist appointment.  My inspiration.  Letting her know that I'd made the decision - because of her.

And a flurry of texts followed - and I knew I was making the right decision.  Because for all the horror stories you hear about Gastric Bypass, there are MORE successes.  There are MORE people saying "my only regret is that I waited so long" and "best decision I ever made".

Now, after further discussions I've learned that Megan's journey was not easy.  She, as she put it, won the 'side effects lottery' and ended up with several very icky things happening in her recovery - and DESPITE that, she STILL says she should have had the surgery sooner.

Megan is my inspiration.  She has shown me that surgery is a personal decision but for those of us who need major help, it's a real option. As she told me, surgery helped her easily lose the weight so she could switch her focus on becoming healthy.  "Getting out of your own way" as she put it.  How interesting to seperate those two concepts, a our culture associates thin with healthy - they're one in the same.  However for Gastric Bypass patients, this isn't necessarily the case.  I'm so excited to feel like I'm winning in health.  So incredibly excited.

-XO - Amy