This summer marked three years since my RNY gastric bypass surgery.
In many ways, three years seems like a lifetime ago and in others it was just last week. There are times when I look at myself and feel just as large as I was before this whole process started. My thighs, my stomach, my arms. I put on something out of my closet and if it's tight or doesn't feel right, I'm back to size 24 wondering how I'm going to survive this life. However, the reality is that this journey has been so much more than pounds or sizes or inches. It's been about habits and behaviors and crutches and triggers and patterns. The weightloss was huge. Working on becoming my own best friend and ally has been bigger.
After a year of weight loss - where I was losing a pound a day for months - I started working with a trainer. Not only for motivation but for actual health reasons - I wanted tone. I found my trainer thru our daycare provider - his daughter attended with my two younger kids - and he agreed to workout with me twice a week. This financial commitment was $60 per week - two sessions at $30 each or $1 per minute. After a year of working out with Ryan, I was in the best shape of my life. And here's the thing....I never had a session go over 35 minutes. You DO NOT need to meet with a trainer for an hour to get results. How? Well, you warm up without them. You get to the gym 15 minutes before your session and you warm up. If there's specific warm up activities they want you to do, do them before the session. Be READY TO GO when the time starts. Second, no talking. Don't waste time chatting. Seems logical but seriously, don't. Any trainer worth their salt will recognize that you mean business and shouldn't be offended to hear that you don't want to chat. I adore Ryan and we have become close through training but it's not because we spend our sessions chatting.
Excuses are everywhere. It is so easy to blow yourself off - or blow your workout off - because of these busy lives we lead. If I have learned anything, it's that exercise has to be a priority. I AM a priority. My mood, my outlook on life, my mind and my body are better when exercised and pushed. The only way I've made sure this happens is if I legitimately plan my day around my workout. Luckily, my office is close to a LTF that I can use over my lunch hour, however this also means I need to PLAN. My gym bag has to have clean workout clothes, socks and shoes in it...which means I need to commit to my lunch workout before I leave the house or even better, the night before. Monday over lunch is typically the day I run intervals on the treadmill. I utilize the LTF app on my phone to pick out which classes will fit into my week too. Tuesday night Heated Guided Flow works out well because it starts at 8:15PM. After I get home, feed the boys and can take an hour to myself. Wednesday can be either a lunch workout again or a 5:15pm HIIT Yoga class on my way home. Saturday mornings is my Root Yoga class. I aim for 5 workouts a week. This journey is a process. A marathon. An evolution. I learned about two years ago that yes, I can run for 55 minutes a day but my knees cannot do that 6 days a week. Runner's Knee HURTS and though running is great cardio, it's not ideal. Intervals bring my heart rate up when I run and down when I walk. This burns fat. This is a SMARTER way to cardio...it's easier on the body AND it is more efficient. I mix up my intervals now but essentially it's the same workout.
Nutrition. Fasts, Cleanses, fad diets. Nothing works as well as the SIMPLE MATH DIET. Calories in v. Calories Out. This, combined with the mantra "not all calories are created equal" is my nutritional plan. I still follow 95% of the rules laid down by my surgery team 3+ years ago. Drink a ton of water. Don't drink 30 minutes before or 30 minutes after eating. Protein first. Always protein first. Stop before you feel full. No snacking/grazing (this one is HARD). Limit alcohol (this one is HARDER). Sugar makes me feel ill. Like exercise, nutrition is a process. Nothing happens overnight - it's establishing and implementing new habits and man, those bad old ones are right there in the wings waiting to take over, aren't they??? Which is why alcohol is such a demon. Post RNY, my body processes alcohol differently...and lemme tell you, there is a whole section of AA folks who are post-bariatric surgery so it's not just me who can feel this is a thin line. The problem is that 1) I'm social and we have social friends who like to drink cocktails when being social. 2). When your inhibitions are lowered due to cocktails, your willpower to no-no foods is also inhibited...so the choices I make aren't always sound or in my best interest...and this derails my nutrition. Also, BALANCE. No one can commit to never eating XYZ again. Fill in the blank - Carbs again, sugar again, whatever - unless you overhaul your entire life and commit to Vegan or Gluten-Free. My nutritionist never said to me "You will never eat carbs again" or "kiss pizza goodbye". I am just really choosy now. I still LOVE ice cream. However, even a small Blizzard makes me sick. Typically I can make a small Blizzard three separate treats. Or I buy the high protein ice cream and have 5-8 bites and have satisfied the craving. I still ADORE pizza but typically 1 and 1/2 pieces is it. I gave up tracking my food via MyFitnessPal after one year but I know I average about 1200-1500 calories a day. I know this because my food intake doesn't really vary day to day. Not to say I eat the same thing every single day but I know my breakfast is typically 300 calories with 15-20g of protein. Lunch is typically 400 calories with another 15-20g of protein. Snack is usually 100 calories - bonus on the protein and dinner is 500-700 calories with 20-25g of protein. Some days I kill it on the protein, others I don't. But I don't obsess. I forgive and move on. Like throwing a bad score in a Synchro meet. Let go and move on. A bad day here and there is not going to derail the entire train if they truly are here and there...which brings us to....
Honesty. Probably the most intimate realization on this journey has been giving up excuses for honesty. Excuses are camouflage for insecurity. Excuses mask doubt...mostly self-doubt. If you think before you make an excuse, you may have to face the honest truth which may be a personal short-coming. This isn't hard and fast...there are times when tact and manners are important but in my own life, the stories I make up and the excuses I create are typically to cover some personal insecurity. "I don't have time" is an excuse for "It's not a priority" or "Rearranging is too much work" OR PROBABLY "I'd have to ask for help and I don't want to because that would give the impression that I am weak and cannot do it all and I may actually be human". And while I'm turning the magnifying glass on myself, I'm also going to dare to say this - the phrase "I'm sorry" has been misused in our world for far too long. "I'm sorry" should not be a self-inflicted wound. It should not be a phrase to explain our human-ness or our woman-ness or our feelings. It shouldn't be a crutch for becoming upset or saying our truth. What it SHOULD be is the gateway to conversation - "I'm sorry I said XYZ in that moment. I was coming from a place of deep insecurity and I took it out on you. I apologize to you for my actions but I'm SORRY for myself - I have a wound and I need help healing". "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" are two very different phrases. "I'm sorry" is inactive. It is a wallowing, pitiful, dark space of dispair and hopelessness. "I apologize" is active. It is forward moving and thinking and motivating.
I have plenty of insecurities still. 140 pounds later, I'm still typically the largest person in yoga class. In photos, I am not tiny. But my size does not define me and my insecurities are no one else's business. I surround myself with supportive friends who love me regardless of size, regardless of status, regardless of history. Who recognize that as humans, we stumble and mis-step and make mistakes but we also rise above and take care of each other when we notice someone needs it. I recognize insecurities and faults in my tribe and rather than pointing them out, I pray for the healing of the individual and the self-awareness to rise above. I love my friends for the humans they are - faults and cracks and quirks and all. That's what makes them who they are and if I haven't abandoned them for showing that real-ness by now, I'm not going anywhere.
Whew. Yes, I've drank the Kool-Aid that is Hollis Co. and Rise and Rise Together and Girl Wash Your Face. I highly recommend it all.
Monday, August 27, 2018
Monday, August 15, 2016
NSV's - Non-Surgical Victories
Man, this summer is flying by. Seriously I don't know where the time has gone. Mid-August always makes me very emotional and anxiety-ridden. The start of another school year makes me more aware of my kids growth - even more so than their birthdays or New Year's Eve. Admitting to myself that I have a 6th grader is just a hard pill to swallow. Not sure if that will ever change.
I will say, however, that this summer has had hundreds of small victories proving I am a new person. Not to say that I LOVE wearing a swimsuit but I certainly don't dread it like I used to. Clothes shopping for size 10/12 or L is a lot more fun than size 22/24 and XXL. Being out-and-about at events with my family, carrying a child and a backpack full of stuff without sweating my shirt through or breathing heavy from simply walking is pretty awesome. Not feeling like everyone is staring at me is a bonus - I pretty much blend into the crowd now (happily!!).
The family took a weekend trip to Green Bay WI a couple weekends ago to see Packer's Training Camp. We walked all over, the boys participated in some fun activities designed for kids. We stayed at a hotel with a massive indoor water park. There I was, in my suit, playing in the water with my kids. And when my three year old wanted to go down the waterslide, I picked him up on one hip and lifted the two-person tube up with the other arm and up the three flights of stairs I went. No problems. Wasn't even winded at the top. THAT, my friends, is progress. And I didn't do that once - I believe I hiked up that waterslide 5-6 times carrying the tube (though I did eventually talk the 30 pounds into holding my hand and walking up the stairs himself).
The running...OH the running...it's my thing. My jam. My release. I am really trying to commit to AT LEAST 35 minutes a day, three days a week and two days of 50 minutes per week. I also hired a personal trainer to help me with these last 25-30 pounds. So far, that's been a positive experience. The 'good' sore tells me it's working. The scale still isn't moving but I'm just trying my best to be patient.
I did, however, go into a consignment shop the other day to kill some time and tried on a couple pair of size 10 pants that I ended up buying...because the combined total was $4 for both AND they'll fit by this fall.
So there ya have it. Life on the other side is so very good. So happy to be here!!!
I will say, however, that this summer has had hundreds of small victories proving I am a new person. Not to say that I LOVE wearing a swimsuit but I certainly don't dread it like I used to. Clothes shopping for size 10/12 or L is a lot more fun than size 22/24 and XXL. Being out-and-about at events with my family, carrying a child and a backpack full of stuff without sweating my shirt through or breathing heavy from simply walking is pretty awesome. Not feeling like everyone is staring at me is a bonus - I pretty much blend into the crowd now (happily!!).
The family took a weekend trip to Green Bay WI a couple weekends ago to see Packer's Training Camp. We walked all over, the boys participated in some fun activities designed for kids. We stayed at a hotel with a massive indoor water park. There I was, in my suit, playing in the water with my kids. And when my three year old wanted to go down the waterslide, I picked him up on one hip and lifted the two-person tube up with the other arm and up the three flights of stairs I went. No problems. Wasn't even winded at the top. THAT, my friends, is progress. And I didn't do that once - I believe I hiked up that waterslide 5-6 times carrying the tube (though I did eventually talk the 30 pounds into holding my hand and walking up the stairs himself).
The running...OH the running...it's my thing. My jam. My release. I am really trying to commit to AT LEAST 35 minutes a day, three days a week and two days of 50 minutes per week. I also hired a personal trainer to help me with these last 25-30 pounds. So far, that's been a positive experience. The 'good' sore tells me it's working. The scale still isn't moving but I'm just trying my best to be patient.
I did, however, go into a consignment shop the other day to kill some time and tried on a couple pair of size 10 pants that I ended up buying...because the combined total was $4 for both AND they'll fit by this fall.
So there ya have it. Life on the other side is so very good. So happy to be here!!!
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
1 Year Post-Op Appointments
The last big thing to mark my one-year post-op was the follow up with the surgeon, the nutritionist and the exercise physiologist. I met with the doctor and the nutritionist last week but couldn't meet with physio until today.
Everything is great for the most part. My weight loss by the numbers is about what they expected me to lose in one year. My labs came back good - my good cholesterol is high (meaning it's good), my bad cholesterol is low (also good) and my overall is at a very good 180. My vitamin levels look decent but I need to work on getting my D in every day. The concern was for my calcium level, which was OK but not stellar so I have to be super-vigilant about taking it. Of all the things I was supposed to do post-op, taking my calcium has been at the bottom of the list so it's being moved closer to the top now that I've wrapped my brain around this new lifestyle.
I met with physio today and she was much more encouraging. Her numbers are based on actual body make-up so they're not averages, they're true to MY body. First of all, measurements. Hard to argue with those. I've lost 20 inches from my waist. 20. Inches. Like the length of my newborns. JUST. FROM. MY. WAIST. I've lost 17 from my hips. That's a total of 37 inches and doesn't account for thigh or arm measurements. Holy crap.
My favorite part about meeting with Physio is that she hooks an electrode up to my foot and one up to my hand and it measures what my muscle mass is. My personal BMI. Not some equation for my height and weight but truly what MY skeleton and muscles weigh. Since I started this RNY journey, I've lost 103 pounds of pure fat. I have also lost some muscle but not a ton and I have a strategy to get that back. I'm no longer considered "obese" as my BMI is below 30% (it's 28% so I'm still "overweight" but not 'obese').
The hard work is paying off...however I still need to work hard. I need to get back into 9Round for some muscle-building action. This will become infinitely easier once baseball/t-ball is over in a couple weeks. I also need to do resistance training on the nights when I don't do cardio. I need to put in at least 15-20 minutes to my muscles. If I commit to doing those two things, I should kick-start the weight loss again AND build some muscle. Both positive things.
Life is still good. So so very good.
Everything is great for the most part. My weight loss by the numbers is about what they expected me to lose in one year. My labs came back good - my good cholesterol is high (meaning it's good), my bad cholesterol is low (also good) and my overall is at a very good 180. My vitamin levels look decent but I need to work on getting my D in every day. The concern was for my calcium level, which was OK but not stellar so I have to be super-vigilant about taking it. Of all the things I was supposed to do post-op, taking my calcium has been at the bottom of the list so it's being moved closer to the top now that I've wrapped my brain around this new lifestyle.
I met with physio today and she was much more encouraging. Her numbers are based on actual body make-up so they're not averages, they're true to MY body. First of all, measurements. Hard to argue with those. I've lost 20 inches from my waist. 20. Inches. Like the length of my newborns. JUST. FROM. MY. WAIST. I've lost 17 from my hips. That's a total of 37 inches and doesn't account for thigh or arm measurements. Holy crap.
My favorite part about meeting with Physio is that she hooks an electrode up to my foot and one up to my hand and it measures what my muscle mass is. My personal BMI. Not some equation for my height and weight but truly what MY skeleton and muscles weigh. Since I started this RNY journey, I've lost 103 pounds of pure fat. I have also lost some muscle but not a ton and I have a strategy to get that back. I'm no longer considered "obese" as my BMI is below 30% (it's 28% so I'm still "overweight" but not 'obese').
The hard work is paying off...however I still need to work hard. I need to get back into 9Round for some muscle-building action. This will become infinitely easier once baseball/t-ball is over in a couple weeks. I also need to do resistance training on the nights when I don't do cardio. I need to put in at least 15-20 minutes to my muscles. If I commit to doing those two things, I should kick-start the weight loss again AND build some muscle. Both positive things.
Life is still good. So so very good.
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
One YEAR Post-Op
A year ago today was my RNY. In fact, a year ago right about now, surgery was done and I was being wheeled into recovery.
My memories of that day are spotty. I remember the morning clearly - getting up and driving to Abbott, waiting with my mom and Phil, going back to pre-op and changing and answering a million questions and taking a pregnancy test and starting the IV. After surgery, I remember my nurse anesthetist saying "All done, Amy!! You did great!!!" into my ear as she wheeled me into the recovery room. I remember feeling like my brain was stuck in honey or jello or something all day - sticky and slow and tired...so very tired...wanting to stay awake but falling in and out of sleep all day. I remember doing laps around the nurses station that night - alone - with my IV pole - and thinking about what I had just done. And being really scared that it was done.
The year has gone by - and would have passed whether I had surgery or not. Buy my GOD am I so happy I took the plunge. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to have had it done...and so blessed that I mustered up the courage to do it. The person I was a year and more ago was not happy. She was so stuck and depressed and trapped she didn't know how to do much more than breathe because she'd failed so many times at dieting and taking control that she was just stuck. I'm now free. Thank God.
Anniversary's are typically marked with a meal or a celebration. No special meal for me today - just my typical plan. I will, however, have a nice long workout tonight and push myself hard. Harder than a typical workout - in celebration because I CAN. I CAN run an extra 10 minutes. I can up the incline and handle it. I can do an extra set of squats or lunges or sit-ups or triceps. That's my celebration. I CAN DO HARD THINGS.
My memories of that day are spotty. I remember the morning clearly - getting up and driving to Abbott, waiting with my mom and Phil, going back to pre-op and changing and answering a million questions and taking a pregnancy test and starting the IV. After surgery, I remember my nurse anesthetist saying "All done, Amy!! You did great!!!" into my ear as she wheeled me into the recovery room. I remember feeling like my brain was stuck in honey or jello or something all day - sticky and slow and tired...so very tired...wanting to stay awake but falling in and out of sleep all day. I remember doing laps around the nurses station that night - alone - with my IV pole - and thinking about what I had just done. And being really scared that it was done.
The year has gone by - and would have passed whether I had surgery or not. Buy my GOD am I so happy I took the plunge. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to have had it done...and so blessed that I mustered up the courage to do it. The person I was a year and more ago was not happy. She was so stuck and depressed and trapped she didn't know how to do much more than breathe because she'd failed so many times at dieting and taking control that she was just stuck. I'm now free. Thank God.
Anniversary's are typically marked with a meal or a celebration. No special meal for me today - just my typical plan. I will, however, have a nice long workout tonight and push myself hard. Harder than a typical workout - in celebration because I CAN. I CAN run an extra 10 minutes. I can up the incline and handle it. I can do an extra set of squats or lunges or sit-ups or triceps. That's my celebration. I CAN DO HARD THINGS.
Thursday, June 2, 2016
11.5 Months Post-Op
The stall continues.
However...I am still proud of where I am. Not many people in the world can say they've lost 130 pounds in 11.5 months. How crazy is that?? Less than a year!! I lost the equivalent of my not-small 11 year old!! That is significant!!
I got inked almost three weeks ago now. I have tattoos on the tops of both my feet. I love them. I love them in a weird way - maybe partially because it's hard to believe they're real and forever. I went by myself to get them...for some reason, I thought Phil would want to join me but he said he didn't need to do that so I was on my own. Since these are my first tattoos, I'd never been inside a tattoo shop before my consultation. It's much more surgical than I thought it'd be. I was so impressed by the entire process. Also, I picked a very tender location for these tattoos - there isn't much flesh on the tops of feet and especially for the script, it felt like she was carving into my foot with a razor blade. I will say this - I can see how it's addicting. I find myself looking at them more frequently than I thought I would...in admiration, not in shame. And I love the phrase I chose - "I can do hard things". Yup and yup. I went thru a very itchy phase a couple days ago but they seem to have stopped itching and peeling so I do believe we're close to being all healed up...and I adore them.
I have my one year post-op appointment on June 23rd. I'm supposed to go have all the labs done (bloodwork) this week so we have results to talk about at the appointment. I'm afraid I'm going to disappoint the doctor and the nutritionist because I haven't lost much at all since my 9 month appointment. These last 30 pounds are tough - I'm fighting for each and every one.
I'm still running and I'm still not IN LOVE with running but now that it's easier, it's not bad. My secret is finding a show I love to watch while doing it - currently that show is Sons of Anarchy. I'm up to 45 minutes running (not fast, mind you) with some hills tossed in for good measure. What a workout that is!!! And when complete, I feel strong and able and proud...because it wasn't long ago that I would have rather died than think about running for even 5 minutes. And even still, the first 5 minutes are the hardest. Once I hit the 10 minute mark, I feel pretty good. But the beginning is the hardest and the worst. Much like anything, really.
That's all I got - not much to report. I'll post the update after my appointment in 2 weeks!!!
However...I am still proud of where I am. Not many people in the world can say they've lost 130 pounds in 11.5 months. How crazy is that?? Less than a year!! I lost the equivalent of my not-small 11 year old!! That is significant!!
I got inked almost three weeks ago now. I have tattoos on the tops of both my feet. I love them. I love them in a weird way - maybe partially because it's hard to believe they're real and forever. I went by myself to get them...for some reason, I thought Phil would want to join me but he said he didn't need to do that so I was on my own. Since these are my first tattoos, I'd never been inside a tattoo shop before my consultation. It's much more surgical than I thought it'd be. I was so impressed by the entire process. Also, I picked a very tender location for these tattoos - there isn't much flesh on the tops of feet and especially for the script, it felt like she was carving into my foot with a razor blade. I will say this - I can see how it's addicting. I find myself looking at them more frequently than I thought I would...in admiration, not in shame. And I love the phrase I chose - "I can do hard things". Yup and yup. I went thru a very itchy phase a couple days ago but they seem to have stopped itching and peeling so I do believe we're close to being all healed up...and I adore them.
I have my one year post-op appointment on June 23rd. I'm supposed to go have all the labs done (bloodwork) this week so we have results to talk about at the appointment. I'm afraid I'm going to disappoint the doctor and the nutritionist because I haven't lost much at all since my 9 month appointment. These last 30 pounds are tough - I'm fighting for each and every one.
I'm still running and I'm still not IN LOVE with running but now that it's easier, it's not bad. My secret is finding a show I love to watch while doing it - currently that show is Sons of Anarchy. I'm up to 45 minutes running (not fast, mind you) with some hills tossed in for good measure. What a workout that is!!! And when complete, I feel strong and able and proud...because it wasn't long ago that I would have rather died than think about running for even 5 minutes. And even still, the first 5 minutes are the hardest. Once I hit the 10 minute mark, I feel pretty good. But the beginning is the hardest and the worst. Much like anything, really.
That's all I got - not much to report. I'll post the update after my appointment in 2 weeks!!!
Monday, April 25, 2016
Update - 10 Months Post-Op
I'm in my biggest stall ever - haven't dropped a single pound since early March.
Yeah, I'm a little disappointed. I mean, I'm still playing by the rules...and to be honest, now that I'm not seeing a 2 at the beginning of my weight every morning, I'm feeling pretty good. But my goal weight is still 30 pounds away and I'd like to hit that by Christmas. Slow and steady.
Here's what I know : I can run and I do run. I still don't particularly enjoy running, but I can do it for 30 minutes without pain. I can also do it for longer than 30 minutes, but my knees are very angry the next day. So right now I still to 15 minutes of walking fast, 30 minutes of running (NOT FAST) and another 15 - 30 minutes of walking fast with inclines. This typically burns 500 calories according to the treadmill. I then hop off and do some ab work with my weight bench and stability ball followed by some squats with weights and some arm work also with weights. I have a 15lb. kettle bell and sets of 7 pound hand weights. I newly invested in a set of 10 pound hand weights too. So the weight/resistance stuff adds another 15-20 minutes to the workout. And when I'm done, I feel amazing. Strong and able and tired. And GOOD.
I also know that my mind needs the exercise just as much if not more than my body. I need the endorphin rush. I need the feeling of accomplishment. I need the challenge. I need the me-time.
I also know this : more calories is better right now. Not crazy more. But 200 more or so. I think my body thinks it's starving on 600 or so calories. I also KNOW that I need to focus on more water. I had my 9 month post-op check up a few weeks ago and my blood pressure was alarmingly low at 90/48. So being more careful about water intake and assuring good hydration should help - I have some pretty serious dizzy spells without it which is part of the low blood pressure thing.
I am slowly able to eat some old favorites again - namely salad. Not big portions but it feels so great to crunch on cold and crisp salad. You really really miss texture after a while, ya know? Greek yogurt is awesome but not much texture.
I got to purge my closet yet again. I'm 110% out of plus sized clothes...so out with all of those. Also out of most of the first round of regular sized stuff I bought. The difference between a 16 and a 12 doesnt' sound like a lot but it IS the difference between a belt and not. So yes, the Goodwill is getting another three bags of stuff - some which never got worn. Thank goodness for the write-off values!!!
Finally, I scheduled an appointment for my first tattoo. Pretty out of character for me and kind of scary but I'm excited at the same time. I'm having the phrase "I can do hard things" inked on the top of my foot...as a permanent reminder that I CAN DO HARD THINGS. I have and I will and I can. I've put a lot of thought into the placement and the phrase and the lettering - I think it'll be very tasteful and discrete. I even got the support of my mom who hates tattoos...so there ya go!!
Life is good. I cannot believe it's been almost a year since I started this journey. The year was going to pass whether I took the plunge or not but I'm so thankful I did. I needed one day of extreme bravery on surgery day. And even on the hardest of days post-op or since, I never once have regretted this decision. I'm actually starting to look like the person I've always been in my head. The list of things I can now do without a second thought is amazing. I'm so incredibly blessed by this journey.
Yeah, I'm a little disappointed. I mean, I'm still playing by the rules...and to be honest, now that I'm not seeing a 2 at the beginning of my weight every morning, I'm feeling pretty good. But my goal weight is still 30 pounds away and I'd like to hit that by Christmas. Slow and steady.
Here's what I know : I can run and I do run. I still don't particularly enjoy running, but I can do it for 30 minutes without pain. I can also do it for longer than 30 minutes, but my knees are very angry the next day. So right now I still to 15 minutes of walking fast, 30 minutes of running (NOT FAST) and another 15 - 30 minutes of walking fast with inclines. This typically burns 500 calories according to the treadmill. I then hop off and do some ab work with my weight bench and stability ball followed by some squats with weights and some arm work also with weights. I have a 15lb. kettle bell and sets of 7 pound hand weights. I newly invested in a set of 10 pound hand weights too. So the weight/resistance stuff adds another 15-20 minutes to the workout. And when I'm done, I feel amazing. Strong and able and tired. And GOOD.
I also know that my mind needs the exercise just as much if not more than my body. I need the endorphin rush. I need the feeling of accomplishment. I need the challenge. I need the me-time.
I also know this : more calories is better right now. Not crazy more. But 200 more or so. I think my body thinks it's starving on 600 or so calories. I also KNOW that I need to focus on more water. I had my 9 month post-op check up a few weeks ago and my blood pressure was alarmingly low at 90/48. So being more careful about water intake and assuring good hydration should help - I have some pretty serious dizzy spells without it which is part of the low blood pressure thing.
I am slowly able to eat some old favorites again - namely salad. Not big portions but it feels so great to crunch on cold and crisp salad. You really really miss texture after a while, ya know? Greek yogurt is awesome but not much texture.
I got to purge my closet yet again. I'm 110% out of plus sized clothes...so out with all of those. Also out of most of the first round of regular sized stuff I bought. The difference between a 16 and a 12 doesnt' sound like a lot but it IS the difference between a belt and not. So yes, the Goodwill is getting another three bags of stuff - some which never got worn. Thank goodness for the write-off values!!!
Finally, I scheduled an appointment for my first tattoo. Pretty out of character for me and kind of scary but I'm excited at the same time. I'm having the phrase "I can do hard things" inked on the top of my foot...as a permanent reminder that I CAN DO HARD THINGS. I have and I will and I can. I've put a lot of thought into the placement and the phrase and the lettering - I think it'll be very tasteful and discrete. I even got the support of my mom who hates tattoos...so there ya go!!
Life is good. I cannot believe it's been almost a year since I started this journey. The year was going to pass whether I took the plunge or not but I'm so thankful I did. I needed one day of extreme bravery on surgery day. And even on the hardest of days post-op or since, I never once have regretted this decision. I'm actually starting to look like the person I've always been in my head. The list of things I can now do without a second thought is amazing. I'm so incredibly blessed by this journey.
Thursday, March 3, 2016
One-derland!!!
I woke up on Saturday morning weighing under 200 pounds.
On The Biggest Loser, they call this "One-derland".
This was a HUGE deal for two reasons. First, I cannot remember when I have seen a 1XX number on the scale. I can only assume it was in high school...but I cannot remember. And it feels AMAZING.
Second, it also means I've lost 120 pounds since pre-liquid diet and 100 pounds since the day of surgery. Also a huge freaking deal.
AND I've lost more since Saturday...so life just keeps getting better!! I almost think my body had hit a place where 500-600 calories wasn't triggering loss anymore because the days I've eaten more like 700 calories, I lose. So OK!! Feed you more, I get it body!!!
I've been battling something - not sure if it's a cold or flu or what but I'm exhausted and coughing and aching - so I haven't been working out this week because it honestly takes all my energy to just make it until the boys bedtime when I collapse in bed myself. Even without working out, I'm losing. Weird.
I had some labs run at the doctor a couple weeks ago - I had my cholesterol checked, my Iron level checked, and a basic CBC. I've always had high cholesterol since I first had it checked at age 8. This time, it was 160. Well within the "Normal" range. My Iron level was also quite normal. So further proof - as if I needed it - that my WLS was a good decision. I actually AM healthier than I've ever been.
So looking at the scale this week has been fun...and my thoughts often drift to how I'll feel when I see my goal weight on that scale. Knowing, as I know today, that I am doing this. I made a commitment and am holding to it. Many, many people who learn of my surgery say "OH!! I know someone who also had that!!! They lost a ton and then gained half of it back!!". Well gee. Thanks. I dream all the time that I am fat again. That I'm depressed and stuck in a body that I despise and drowning in myself. And I wake up feeling desperate and scared. Trust me when I say, I will NOT be that girl who people are referring to who lost it all and gained half back. I am not.
That's all from One-derland today!!! Life is good here!!!
On The Biggest Loser, they call this "One-derland".
This was a HUGE deal for two reasons. First, I cannot remember when I have seen a 1XX number on the scale. I can only assume it was in high school...but I cannot remember. And it feels AMAZING.
Second, it also means I've lost 120 pounds since pre-liquid diet and 100 pounds since the day of surgery. Also a huge freaking deal.
AND I've lost more since Saturday...so life just keeps getting better!! I almost think my body had hit a place where 500-600 calories wasn't triggering loss anymore because the days I've eaten more like 700 calories, I lose. So OK!! Feed you more, I get it body!!!
I've been battling something - not sure if it's a cold or flu or what but I'm exhausted and coughing and aching - so I haven't been working out this week because it honestly takes all my energy to just make it until the boys bedtime when I collapse in bed myself. Even without working out, I'm losing. Weird.
I had some labs run at the doctor a couple weeks ago - I had my cholesterol checked, my Iron level checked, and a basic CBC. I've always had high cholesterol since I first had it checked at age 8. This time, it was 160. Well within the "Normal" range. My Iron level was also quite normal. So further proof - as if I needed it - that my WLS was a good decision. I actually AM healthier than I've ever been.
So looking at the scale this week has been fun...and my thoughts often drift to how I'll feel when I see my goal weight on that scale. Knowing, as I know today, that I am doing this. I made a commitment and am holding to it. Many, many people who learn of my surgery say "OH!! I know someone who also had that!!! They lost a ton and then gained half of it back!!". Well gee. Thanks. I dream all the time that I am fat again. That I'm depressed and stuck in a body that I despise and drowning in myself. And I wake up feeling desperate and scared. Trust me when I say, I will NOT be that girl who people are referring to who lost it all and gained half back. I am not.
That's all from One-derland today!!! Life is good here!!!
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