I miss food.
I miss it A LOT.
I'm a foodie. I have been for most of my adult life. And let's be honest, I probably wouldn't have needed gastric bypass if I was a picky eater, right? I love looking at recipes on Pinterest, watching cooking shows, I love to cook and bake for my family - and I like to think I'm a fairly good cook. Creating my own recipes doesn't scare me.
So how am I supposed to break up with food??
It's not like I have a drinking problem and I can just stop drinking. It's not that easy - I have to eat to live. To survive.
I miss the act of eating. I miss cutting food and putting it in my mouth and having the flavors wash over my tongue. I miss textures - salads and crusty bread, pizza with the crispy crust and the warm gooey cheese and sauce. I miss chewing.
I make dinner for my family nearly every night. It's an act of love that I believe is essential - they need nutritious food to go into their bodies and I really do enjoy creating dinners for them. However in the past two weeks, this turns into a time of deep resentment for me. Not only am I not loving creating meals that I cannot eat but I also get very upset that I then have to clean up a meal that I didn't get to eat either. It's easily an hour or more process of me getting very upset. Like watching your ex out on a date with someone else. Salt in the wound. Lemon juice in the cut.
I know this is for the greater good. I know will get past this eventually. Heck, I even know I WILL be able to eat again - just not ever the same way again. Can't go back. This is my new life.
Just the breaking up sucks. And after a month on a liquid diet (2 weeks pre-op and 2 weeks post-op) you'd think my affection for food would dim...but not so much. So I'm turning to prayer.
God - Most powerful and Loving - Please help me embrace my new life. Help me say goodbye to my old ways and learn to love the new world that awaits me. Help calm my mind when panic and fear creeps in and help strengthen my trust that You will always be guiding me - thru this and every journey I have on Earth.
Amen.
Look at it this way: This liquid diet isn't forever. Yes, I know that food will still be different for you, but you'll be able to taste those things again, soon. Sure, you may only get one bite of pizza or a small bite of the crusty bread, but you'll get to taste it..to let it move around in your mouth. You'll get there, it's a slow process, yes, but once you get there, that first bite will be joyous! I've said this before and I'll say it again...you're awesome and I'm SO proud of you!!!
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