2 Week Post-Op

I did it.

Again.

On Wednesday the 21st, I got up at 445 and my mom picked me up.  We headed straight to the Same-Day Surgery Center at WestHealth in Plymouth for my abdominoplasty and brachioplasty.  The entire day is now a little fuzzy...but it went really fast.  I have nothing but wonderful things to say about the staff at WestHealth - everyone I encountered was kind and professional and compassionate.  I was nervous but ready to get it over with at the same time.  It felt like I was under for 2 seconds and when I woke up, I was in pain but not overwhelmingly.  I was very thirsty.  Very out of it.  And very cold.  They rolled me back out of recovery and to my room where Phil and my mom were waiting.  After some post-op instructions, I was wheeled out to the car and we went home.  That night was hard.  I was in pain and the recliner we have isn't ideal for recovery.  The handle that reclines the chair was hard to use with arms that are hacked up.  My abs were useless.  It was a rough night.

Thanksgiving morning, Phil packed up and dropped me off at my parents.  Recovering at their house was so much better than home.  They let me sleep in their souped up Sleep Number bed with all the bells and whistles.  Getting up and down from bed was extremely painful...nausea and dizziness every time I had to get up.  However once on my feet and the initial wave of pain passed, it was OK.  I set the alarm on my phone to stay on top of the pain medication and my mom is such an amazing nurse.  She helped me shower on Saturday - which makes everything better - and kept me comfortable and fed.

I moved back home on Sunday - I could have easily stayed at my parents if Phil wasn't scheduled to leave town on Monday.  My mom came and stayed at our house to help me on Monday thru Wednesday.  I could not have gotten the boys off to school without her.  Then she and I just hung out for the week and got some serious errands run as well as keeping up with laundry and household chores.  Having her here was awesome.  Thursday was a trip back to the surgeon's office where they pulled one drain out (leaving one in place).  Dr. Leung let me know that she removed 9 pounds of skin during surgery.  That does not include the fat she removed via liposuction.  9 POUNDS OF SKIN.  That totally blows my mind.  She also fixed some separated ab muscles from pregnancies and a small hernia I didn't even know I had.  My week off from work for recovery went entirely too fast.

Every day gets easier.  The incisions are healing quickly and look a bit scary now but it's only been 2 weeks.  I'm really really sick of the remaining drain.  It's not in the greatest place - right in my hip-crease on my left side.  Flannel pants with a drawstring are the only thing I can comfortably wear as long as the tube is there.  Counting down the hours until the drain is gone.

The results are amazing.  I will add photos shortly of before and after's but it's quite amazing to have a flat (albeit swollen) stomach that is totally numb.   I am already dreaming about going for a nice run and not feeling the jiggle of before.  My arms look awesome from most angles.  It's going to take time for the scars to fade and I'm prepared to wait.  The waving flags are gone and that's what I wanted most.

So it's behind me and I'm so happy.  So happy I was able to do it.  So happy with the results.  So happy I'm on the road to the next new normal.

T'was the night before surgery....

and the call came in...the little has strep...let the insanity begin!!

Yup.  I check into the surgery center at 6am tomorrow but got the call from the peds office that my youngest's strep culture came back positive for strep.  So I ran and picked up the Amox and him at school (of course, we sent him today!!  I'm going to be out of the office for 10 days!!  I needed to work today and so did Daddy!!!) and we are now home with shows and a laptop.  

I'm trying really really hard to keep the psycho-systematic symptoms at bay.  I'm drinking fluids.  I rested.  However I also stopped at the Target Clinic to talk to the doc there just in case.  He said that unless I have strep symptoms, he saw no need to do a culture...and that the first thing they'll do in the morning when they start the IV is put some antibiotics in anyway that would kill any strep I could have waiting to pop up.  So.  There ya go.  Barring any headache or fever or sore throat, I'm proceeding with my tummy tuck and brachioplasty tomorrow.

My sweet friends are being so amazingly supportive.  My husband is coming around.  My kids are curious as to why I need this.  My mom is being so wonderful - she'll be taking me on for Thanksgiving while my kids and husband head to celebrate with his family in Rochester.  24 hours from now, I anticipate I'll be back home with less skin and more pain.  But the results....THAT is the part I'm most excited for.  To not have to strategically hide or tuck in my excess skin will be amazing.  Working out and not having my upper arms waving like a flag on a windy day will be so worth any kind of temporary discomfort I'll have for the next few weeks.  

So I'll post some photos probably to kill some time in the upcoming days/weeks.  For the curious but more for me to once again remind myself how far I've come.

Back to Pre-Op Status...

So I'm cleared for surgery again.

I met with Dr. Lueng - my plastic surgeon - on Thursday for a pre-op appointment.  She took a quick look and then her assistant took my "before" photos.  That was quite the experience.  They have me a disposable pair of underwear in a size small.  I've never been a size small.  Ever.  But I put them on.  They're two triangles of fabric connected with some elastic.  The elastic was digging into my skin.  So the photographer got me a bigger pair - which were falling off.  So flattering.  So yeah - photos of me in only paper undies exist in the world.  Humiliating as that is, it's over.  We took photos of my stomach area as well as my arms bent at 90 degrees, muscle-man style.  Front and back on both. 

Monday morning, I had a pre-op physical with my general practitioner.  And with that appointment, I'm cleared for surgery.    So two weeks from tomorrow I'll check in at 6am at WestHealth Surgery Center.  The OR is mine as of 7:30am.  And by noon, I'll be in recovery. 

I'm nervous.  I'm anxious.  However I'm so flipping excited.  I'm so ready to take this next step.  I wish I could snap my fingers and have the recovery behind me.  The couple weeks post-op is the part I dread.  I don't do well with the unknown and not knowing how I'll feel or what the pain will be like is unnerving for me.  I'm trying to be as prepared as possible - groceries bought, comfy clothes on hand, binder/compression garments ready, recliner bought.  I'm as ready as I will ever be. 

I'll post photos in the coming weeks so if you're not all about that, beware.  :)

The Next Chapter

I'm not sure what chapter we're on - between all the phases of pre-op and post-op and losing and stalling - we're well down the trail on this saga....HOWEVER...

I knew when I decided to have a RNY done, I'd eventually need a second surgery to 'deal' with excess skin.  I have a pretty significant (to me) amount of skin on my stomach and upper arms that will never shrink or go away no matter how much exercise I do.  My weight has been stable for more than a year.  I've been committed to my new lifestyle for nearly 4 years - being as I started before i actually had bariatric surgery.  I am committed to working out in a variety of ways - running, resistance training, yoga.  So it's time.

I met with four plastic surgeons before deciding on the one who will be doing my abdominalplasty and brachioplasty.  Basically a tummy tuck and arm lift.  I've researched the heck out of both procedures and it's very intimidating.  My gallbladder surgery and my RNY were both done laparoscopicly - meaning small (about 1") incisions.  This next surgery will include LARGE incisions.  The abdominalplasty will result in a scar from hip to hip following my pelvic bone.  Then a cone shape will be made up to my sternum and the skin will be stretched down to meet the pelvic area.  The result will (hopefully) be a flat stomach.  No more excess skin.  For the arms, I'll be opened from armpit to elbow.  A section of skin in the shape of a stretched out triangle will be taken out.  After surgery, I'll be left with scars but also lean and strong-looking arms.  I have nice muscles in there - but I also have significant skin that hangs below and I hate it.  So why not take care of it as long as I'm under??

So...I'm excited but also nervous.  Recovery from this surgery will be significant.  I will have drains for at least a week or longer.  I will be living in compression garments for probably 4 months or longer.  I will be grounded from exercise aside from walking for significant time. 

Financing is secured.  Yes, I'm financing this.  Hard decision but it's important enough for me to do NOW and if I attempt to save for it, it'll take forever.  There will always be something draining the funding.  My car is paid off.  Easton will be out of preschool and my kid-care bill will be reduced soon.  Now is the time. 

So there ya go.  I'll share photos when the time gets closer. 

Three+ Years Post-Op - On the Soapbox

This summer marked three years since my RNY gastric bypass surgery. 

In many ways, three years seems like a lifetime ago and in others it was just last week.  There are times when I look at myself and feel just as large as I was before this whole process started.  My thighs, my stomach, my arms.  I put on something out of my closet and if it's tight or doesn't feel right, I'm back to size 24 wondering how I'm going to survive this life.  However, the reality is that this journey has been so much more than pounds or sizes or inches.  It's been about habits and behaviors and crutches and triggers and patterns.  The weightloss was huge.  Working on becoming my own best friend and ally has been bigger. 

After a year of weight loss - where I was losing a pound a day for months - I started working with a trainer.  Not only for motivation but for actual health reasons - I wanted tone.  I found my trainer thru our daycare provider - his daughter attended with my two younger kids - and he agreed to workout with me twice a week.  This financial commitment was $60 per week - two sessions at $30 each or $1 per minute.  After a year of working out with Ryan, I was in the best shape of my life.  And here's the thing....I never had a session go over 35 minutes.  You DO NOT need to meet with a trainer for an hour to get results.  How?  Well,  you warm up without them.  You get to the gym 15 minutes before your session and you warm up.  If there's specific warm up activities they want you to do, do them before the session.  Be READY TO GO when the time starts.  Second, no talking.  Don't waste time chatting.  Seems logical but seriously, don't.  Any trainer worth their salt will recognize that you mean business and shouldn't be offended to hear that you don't want to chat.  I adore Ryan and we have become close through training but it's not because we spend our sessions chatting. 

Excuses are everywhere.  It is so easy to blow yourself off - or blow your workout off - because of these busy lives we lead.  If I have learned anything, it's that exercise has to be a priority.  I AM a priority.  My mood, my outlook on life, my mind and my body are better when exercised and pushed.  The only way I've made sure this happens is if I legitimately plan my day around my workout.  Luckily, my office is close to a LTF that I can use over my lunch hour, however this also means I need to PLAN.  My gym bag has to have clean workout clothes, socks and shoes in it...which means I need to commit to my lunch workout before I leave the house or even better, the night before.  Monday over lunch is typically the day I run intervals on the treadmill.  I utilize the LTF app on my phone to pick out which classes will fit into my week too.  Tuesday night Heated Guided Flow works out well because it starts at 8:15PM.  After I get home, feed the boys and can take an hour to myself.  Wednesday can be either a lunch workout again or a 5:15pm HIIT Yoga class on my way home.  Saturday mornings is my Root Yoga class.  I aim for 5 workouts a week.  This journey is a process.  A marathon.  An evolution.  I learned about two years ago that yes, I can run for 55 minutes a day but my knees cannot do that 6 days a week.  Runner's Knee HURTS and though running is great cardio, it's not ideal.  Intervals bring my heart rate up when I run and down when I walk.  This burns fat.  This is a SMARTER way to cardio...it's easier on the body AND it is more efficient.  I mix up my intervals now but essentially it's the same workout. 

Nutrition.  Fasts, Cleanses, fad diets.  Nothing works as well as the SIMPLE MATH DIET.  Calories in v. Calories Out.  This, combined with the mantra "not all calories are created equal" is my nutritional plan.  I still follow 95% of the rules laid down by my surgery team 3+ years ago.  Drink a ton of water.  Don't drink 30 minutes before or 30 minutes after eating.  Protein first.  Always protein first.  Stop before you feel full.  No snacking/grazing (this one is HARD).  Limit alcohol (this one is HARDER).  Sugar makes me feel ill.  Like exercise, nutrition is a process.  Nothing happens overnight - it's establishing and implementing new habits and man, those bad old ones are right there in the wings waiting to take over, aren't they???  Which is why alcohol is such a demon.  Post RNY, my body processes alcohol differently...and lemme tell you, there is a whole section of AA folks who are post-bariatric surgery so it's not just me who can feel this is a thin line.  The problem is that 1) I'm social and we have social friends who like to drink cocktails when being social.  2).  When your inhibitions are lowered due to cocktails, your willpower to no-no foods is also inhibited...so the choices I make aren't always sound or in my best interest...and this derails my nutrition.  Also, BALANCE.  No one can commit to never eating XYZ again.  Fill in the blank - Carbs again, sugar again, whatever - unless you overhaul your entire life and commit to Vegan or Gluten-Free.  My nutritionist never said to me "You will never eat carbs again" or "kiss pizza goodbye".  I am just really choosy now.  I still LOVE ice cream.  However, even a small Blizzard makes me sick.  Typically I can make a small Blizzard three separate treats.  Or I buy the high protein ice cream and have 5-8 bites and have satisfied the craving.  I still ADORE pizza but typically 1 and 1/2 pieces is it.  I gave up tracking my food via MyFitnessPal after one year but I know I average about 1200-1500 calories a day.  I know this because my food intake doesn't really vary day to day.  Not to say I eat the same thing every single day but I know my breakfast is typically 300 calories with 15-20g of protein.  Lunch is typically 400 calories with another 15-20g of protein.  Snack is usually 100 calories - bonus on the protein and dinner is 500-700 calories with 20-25g of protein.  Some days I kill it on the protein, others I don't.  But I don't obsess.  I forgive and move on.  Like throwing a bad score in a Synchro meet.  Let go and move on.   A bad day here and there is not going to derail the entire train if they truly are here and there...which brings us to....

Honesty.  Probably the most intimate realization on this journey has been giving up excuses for honesty.  Excuses are camouflage for insecurity.   Excuses mask doubt...mostly self-doubt.  If you think before you make an excuse, you may have to face the honest truth which may be a personal short-coming.  This isn't hard and fast...there are times when tact and manners are important but in my own life, the stories I make up and the excuses I create are typically to cover some personal insecurity.  "I don't have time" is an excuse for "It's not a priority" or "Rearranging is too much work" OR PROBABLY "I'd have to ask for help and I don't want to because that would give the impression that I am weak and cannot do it all and I may actually be human".  And while I'm turning the magnifying glass on myself, I'm also going to dare to say this - the phrase "I'm sorry" has been misused in our world for far too long.  "I'm sorry" should not be a self-inflicted wound.  It should not be a phrase to explain our human-ness or our woman-ness or our feelings.  It shouldn't be a crutch for becoming upset or saying our truth.  What it SHOULD be is the gateway to conversation - "I'm sorry I said XYZ in that moment.  I was coming from a place of deep insecurity and I took it out on you.  I apologize to you for my actions but I'm SORRY for myself - I have a wound and I need help healing".  "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" are two very different phrases.  "I'm sorry" is inactive.  It is a wallowing, pitiful, dark space of dispair and hopelessness.  "I apologize" is active.  It is forward moving and thinking and motivating. 

I have plenty of insecurities still.  140 pounds later, I'm still typically the largest person in yoga class.  In photos, I am not tiny.  But my size does not define me and my insecurities are no one else's business.   I surround myself with supportive friends who love me regardless of size, regardless of status, regardless of history.  Who recognize that as humans, we stumble and mis-step and make mistakes but we also rise above and take care of each other when we notice someone needs it.  I recognize insecurities and faults in my tribe and rather than pointing them out, I pray for the healing of the individual and the self-awareness to rise above.  I love my friends for the humans they are - faults and cracks and quirks and all.  That's what makes them who they are and if I haven't abandoned them for showing that real-ness by now, I'm not going anywhere.

Whew.  Yes, I've drank the Kool-Aid that is Hollis Co. and Rise and Rise Together and Girl Wash Your Face.  I highly recommend it all. 

NSV's - Non-Surgical Victories

Man, this summer is flying by.  Seriously I don't know where the time has gone.  Mid-August always makes me very emotional and anxiety-ridden.  The start of another school year makes me more aware of my kids growth - even more so than their birthdays or New Year's Eve.  Admitting to myself that I have a 6th grader is just a hard pill to swallow.  Not sure if that will ever change.

I will say, however, that this summer has had hundreds of small victories proving I am a new person.  Not to say that I LOVE wearing a swimsuit but I certainly don't dread it like I used to.  Clothes shopping for size 10/12 or L is a lot more fun than size 22/24 and XXL.  Being out-and-about at events with my family, carrying a child and a backpack full of stuff without sweating my shirt through or breathing heavy from simply walking is pretty awesome.  Not feeling like everyone is staring at me is a bonus - I pretty much blend into the crowd now (happily!!).

The family took a weekend trip to Green Bay WI a couple weekends ago to see Packer's Training Camp.  We walked all over, the boys participated in some fun activities designed for kids.  We stayed at a hotel with a massive indoor water park.  There I was, in my suit, playing in the water with my kids.  And when my three year old wanted to go down the waterslide, I picked him up on one hip and lifted the two-person tube up with the other arm and up the three flights of stairs I went.  No problems.  Wasn't even winded at the top.  THAT, my friends, is progress.  And I didn't do that once - I believe I hiked up that waterslide 5-6 times carrying the tube (though I did eventually talk the 30 pounds into holding my hand and walking up the stairs himself).

The running...OH the running...it's my thing.  My jam.  My release.  I am really trying to commit to AT LEAST 35 minutes a day, three days a week and two days of 50 minutes per week.  I also hired a personal trainer to help me with these last 25-30 pounds.  So far, that's been a positive experience.  The 'good' sore tells me it's working.  The scale still isn't moving but I'm just trying my best to be patient.

I did, however, go into a consignment shop the other day to kill some time and tried on a couple pair of size 10 pants that I ended up buying...because the combined total was $4 for both AND they'll fit by this fall.

So there ya have it.  Life on the other side is so very good.  So happy to be here!!!

1 Year Post-Op Appointments

The last big thing to mark my one-year post-op was the follow up with the surgeon, the nutritionist and the exercise physiologist.  I met with the doctor and the nutritionist last week but couldn't meet with physio until today.

Everything is great for the most part.  My weight loss by the numbers is about what they expected me to lose in one year.  My labs came back good - my good cholesterol is high (meaning it's good), my bad cholesterol is low (also good) and my overall is at a very good 180.  My vitamin levels look decent but I need to work on getting my D in every day.  The concern was for my calcium level, which was OK but not stellar so I have to be super-vigilant about taking it.  Of all the things I was supposed to do post-op, taking my calcium has been at the bottom of the list so it's being moved closer to the top now that I've wrapped my brain around this new lifestyle.

I met with physio today and she was much more encouraging.  Her numbers are based on actual body make-up so they're not averages, they're true to MY body.  First of all, measurements.  Hard to argue with those.  I've lost 20 inches from my waist.  20.  Inches.  Like the length of my newborns.  JUST. FROM. MY. WAIST.   I've lost 17 from my hips.  That's a total of 37 inches and doesn't account for thigh or arm measurements.  Holy crap.

My favorite part about meeting with Physio is that she hooks an electrode up to my foot and one up to my hand and it measures what my muscle mass is.  My personal BMI.  Not some equation for my height and weight but truly what MY skeleton and muscles weigh.  Since I started this RNY journey, I've lost 103 pounds of pure fat.  I have also lost some muscle but not a ton and I have a strategy to get that back.  I'm no longer considered "obese" as my BMI is below 30% (it's 28% so I'm still "overweight" but not 'obese').

The hard work is paying off...however I still need to work hard.  I need to get back into 9Round for some muscle-building action.  This will become infinitely easier once baseball/t-ball is over in a couple weeks.  I also need to do resistance training on the nights when I don't do cardio.  I need to put in at least 15-20 minutes to my muscles.  If I commit to doing those two things, I should kick-start the weight loss again AND build some muscle.  Both positive things.

Life is still good.  So so very good.